mothers on the verge

We had a great time at Dubai Reunited 's Royal Wedding Garden Party at the Dubai Polo Club yesterday. Really good food, lovely setting and, of course, the live screening of the wedding itself. We also managed to fit in a few chukkas and a bit of a boogie in the evening. All in all, a great excuse for an excellent party. As regular readers will know, I've been helping out my friends at Dubai Reunited to launch the brand, as well as providing a bit of advice for their marketing and communications, and yesterday's celebration was a fitting end to my involvement. Yep, I am now work-free for a couple of months. I'm not planning on becoming a layabout though (although a bit of lounging by the pool would be lovely) - I'm looking forward to spending more time with the kids in between trying to make a proper go of this writing thing on and off-blog. I'm also hoping to be able to fit in some painting and photography, both of which have been sadly neglected over the pas

Am so hung over I can barely type. Think I was mugged by a very aggressive gang of strawberry daiquiris last night. Apart from the impressive strength of the grown-up alcopops, Nasimi Beach 's 80s night is a bit of a non-starter. No 80s music to be heard before 11pm (by which time I was ready to head home), no sign of the promised Madonna and Ronald Reagan impersonators (which, frankly, was a large part of the appeal... sad but true) and a very sparse crowd. Possibly it all kicked off after we wobbled off at 11.30pm, but I wouldn't stake anything important on it. Apart from being in the wonderful company of the Lovely Lucy and catching up on a year's worth of gossip,the highlight of the evening was being propositioned by a very strange Danish lady; obviously Lucy and I gracefully declined her kind offer, being the respectable matrons that we are. Danish lady, who was wearing the smallest dress we've ever seen, responded to our polite rebuff by sending drinks over to

Poor Baby Belly is covered in chickenpox spots and has been put in quarantine for the week. Pinning a nine-and-a-half month old down to dot them with calamine lotion isn't a huge amount of fun (think extreme championship wrestling and times it by two) but otherwise she's remarkably cheerful. So far BB hasn't been ill at all, apart from the spots, although her usual clingon tendencies have been ramped up a notch resulting in a largely sleepless night for she and I last night. Lack of sleep or not, I'm off out tonight to Nasimi Beach's 80's night with my house guest the Lovely Lucy and renowned party animal Ex-Meadows Mummy for a boogie in the sand - probably the last one of the year since temperatures are starting to soar. I'll report back tomorrow.

The Small(er) One's party was a great success in the end, despite the initially gloomy outlook. Who needs bouncy castles, entertainers, petting zoos and face-painters when you have a packet of tattoo transfers and a pinata stuffed chock full of e-numbers? Marvelous. But the star of the party was undoubtedly Firstborn, who's natural bossiness (a given considering she is the eldest of three) was put into good use as Master of Ceremonies along with her two chums as helpers/ bouncers. Although I may need to have a word with her about taking it easy on the micromanagement - a good old traditional game of pass-the-parcel isn't quite the same when the Year 4 Mafia insists on unwrapping every layer on the recipient's behalf... Thank God that's over for another year. Now I can concentrate on Baby Belly having chickenpox (yup, the spots appeared today), getting ready for my trip to the US next week and enjoying spending time with my house guests. Bring it on!

Number of: Hours of sleep achieved last night - 5 Cakes iced and camouflaged with butter frosting, marshmallows and candy balls - 1 Stress-busting ciggies smoked so far today - 9 (but Ultra Lights, so hardly counts at all) Cans of Diet Coke consumed - 4 Number of balloons collected - 20 Number of balloons surviving journey home - 18 Pass-the-Parcel wrapped - 25 bloody layers Goody bags stuffed - 16 (have lost count of guest numbers, did extra to be on the safe side) Number of times I've driven up and down the Sheik Zayed Road - 4 with another 2 to go for school pick-up Minutes spent with Baby Belly - approx 10 (not counting quick kisses as I pass her bewildered face) Guests who arrived this morning - 3 (brilliantly useful though as despite overnight flight cheerful and keen to help) Pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey game - 0 (sod it, simply can't be bothered,, will do dance-off to Katy Perry instead) Hungover, bleary-eyed, hot and bothered mummy high on caffeine currentl

Sh*t! Still haven't wrapped the bloody pass-the-parcel! Arggh. Or drawn the s*dding donkey, let alone its tail. Double arggh. Next year, I'm outsourcing. 

Have now officially lost the will to live. Chocolate cake #2 also a bit flat. Starting to think I've been cursed by the bad chocolate cake fairy. BUT if I put Flat Cake #2 on top of the Flattest Chocolate Cake In The World, then cover the lot in vast quantities of icing and perhaps a ton of sprinkles then I might just get away with it. Phew.

Feeling less smug today. Or should I say, feeling less smug right now. Day started well by taking Baby Belly for her first swimming lesson (hate to gush, but oh too cute) followed by two-hour lunch meeting and usual school pick up. Then I started baking. The 27 cupcakes for the Small(er) One's class were produced as planned. Should have been 30 but oddly a few vanished when I left the room. Decorating of the cupcakes went OK, not my finest effort but as I was trying to organise an Easter egg hunt, cook dinner for the kids and entertain a very cross Baby Belly at the same time, I might just forgive myself. Then I tried to bake the birthday cake. Which is where it all started to go wrong. I went for my usual foolproof chocolate cake recipe. The one that has produced decent results every time. But did it work? Did it buggery. The flattest chocolate cake ever is now sat on the kitchen worktop, looking as forlorn as I feel. Oh yeah, it also crumbled when I turned over the tin, s

Feeling quite smug and pleased with myself today - not in a Smug Mummy way though, more of a Slummy-Mummy -defies-the-odds-and-somehow-pulls-off-an-organisational-triumph sort of way. So far this morning I've managed to buy a dress for the forthcoming school May Ball, get cushions for the outdoor furniture, book a driver to pick up my friend and her family who are arriving in Dubai on Monday morning, get everything required for the Small(er) One's birthday party on Monday, food shop for the week, plan my trip to the US in early May and change three nappies. Now all I have to do is nag the kids to finish their homework, stuff the birthday pinata with thousands of e-number-packed sweets, wrap the pass-the-parcel, draw a donkey with detachable tail (also for Monday's celebration, obviously), play with Baby Belly, take Firstborn to horse riding, hide Easter eggs around the house, make dinner, bathe children and sort out all the paperwork that I've been ignoring for wee

Often spotted wearing floaty organic cotton and hand-tooled sandals handcrafted by a Free Trade co-operative in the Outer Hebrides, Smug Mummy is easily identified by her self-righteous glow, a side-effect of the massive exertion of effort she undergoes in order to make other non-SM mothers feel utterly inferior in comparison to her own wonderful self. SM's children only eat organic macrobiotic wholefoods (preferably harvested under a full moon by Himalayan virgins) and they never, ever eat anything that might even have been within nodding distance of GM foodstuffs, dairy, trans-fats or (gasp horror) be  processed . Her darlings' 'treats' consist of ethically-sourced carob bars which are carefully doled out once a month; little does SM know that dear little Tristan and Isolde have a secret trade going with other kids in their class, exchanging high-sugar and fat contraband items for answers to the weekly homework task. Breastfed until the age of three to maximise th

I was interviewed by Gulf News website yesterday on whether I think Charles & Camilla or Wills & Kate should take over once Queen Elizabeth relinquishes her throne. I'm not 100% comfortable in front of the camera lens - photographic or video - so it'll be 'interesting' to view the results. I'll let you know when it goes live (or maybe not if it's really dire!). It's been all about the Royal Wedding for me since December so I'm really looking forward to the actual event after such a long build-up. I've been working part-time for Dubai Reunited , a company which aims to get expats with a link to Dubai together in Dubai and overseas; our first event is the Royal Wedding Garden Party on Friday 29th December at the Dubai Polo & Equestrian Club. We'll be watching Wills and Kate get hitched live on the big screen while tucking into quintessentially British grub and lots of Pimms, before kicking back to watch the Royal Wedding Polo Cu

I always like to trawl through our various blog stats and feed monitors - it makes me think about who you all are and where you're from. Last month, 39% of you were from the U.S.A., 25% from the U.A.E, 12% in the U.K., 7% in the Czech Republic, 6% in France, 4% Malaysia, 3% Canada and 3% Germany; as well as the odd Aussie and Kiwi dropping by and a few of you logging on from Iran and Taiwan. A whopping 79% of you use Windows as your operating system, with only 9% on the Mac. It's nice to see that over 6% of you are early adopters, reading MotV from your iPads ( so hip), although only a few of you visit via your iPhones and Blackberries. We get a lot of first-time traffic from being a recommended read on the Huffington Post  (thanks guys) as well as other incoming links from Facebook, Twitter and a number of other blogs. Most of you are repeat visitors and come to us direct by typing in our URL, via email subscription, Google friend connect or various feed readers. The b

Just got back in the early hours of this morning, so excuse me if I keep this post shortzzzz. Top 10 Quotes From The Italy Adventure 1. "Well, it just wouldn't be a holiday if you didn't get us lost at least once, would it?" 2. "Are we there yet?" 3. "That child needs professional help. What's she shouting about now?" 4. "Why are you smoking so much?" 5. "God, I need a glass of wine." 6. "The best behaved person in this car - adults included - is Baby Belly. Considering she's only nine months old that doesn't say much for the rest of us." 7. "You're the most horrible family in the world and I'm going to get revenge. It won't be a small revenge, it won't be a big revenge - it'll be a medium revenge and you'll all be really really really sorry." 8. "Only in Italy could a man wear pink jeans and avoid aspersions being cast upon his sexuality." 9. "T

I'm currently on holiday in a remote part of Southern Italy with (so I've been told) limited internet and mobile connection. I'll be back and blogging again after 16th April. Have a great Spring Break!

We're off on holiday tomorrow to Italy. I've wanted to visit  Pompeii for as long as I can remember, so kind of excited about that, not to mention the vast quantities of red wine I've been promised when we get to Puglia , our final destination. It's a bit of a family reunion since we're meeting up with Alpha's sister, her husband and their four kids, as well as my good friend The Harpenden Housewife, her husband and daughter. Past experience tells me that when the cousins get together it's general chaos, rascally behaviour abounds and at some point all the kids will shed their clothes and smear themselves with mud ( a la Lord of the Flies ). I'm hoping they'll be happy to be chucked into the nearest olive grove with a stack of sandwiches and stern orders not to darken our door until the sun sets. Baby Belly excepted, of course. The big problem though with this holiday is the amount of driving that has to be suffered through to get us from Rome

A morning at the beach with four lovely girls. Bliss. I love school holidays. 

A selection of the excuses used recently to delay the inevitable onset of the dreaded bedtime (some sweeter than others) ... "But I can't go to sleep yet! I don't know what to dream about." "There's a scary noise in my room. I think it might be a vampire." "I'm h-u-n-g-r-y!" "My pajamas make me itchy." "I've been trying to count sheep but they keep running away." "Firstborn keeps farting really loudly and it's waking me up." "I can't get to sleep because I keep worrying that you're all going to die and then I'll be all alone." Thirty minutes after being put to bed: "I've been to sleep already and I'm not tired anymore." "My bed's scary. Can I sleep in your room so I can smell you on your pillow?"  

Looks like we may have a lead on what's been ailing the Small(er) One. Incidentally she may soon be renamed Weepiest Child in the World, but let's see if the current amateur dramatics continue at their current pace before a firm decision is made. The Small(er) One has been sick about once a month since last October with a procession of throat and ear infections; it's been antibiotic city around here and frankly if I never have to mix up another bottle of foul-tasting medicine again and coax it down her unwilling throat it will be too soon. As well as being constantly tired and prone to irrational rages and crying jags (her, not me - I'm a whole other story), the Small(er) One has also turned into Snorty Child which, as well as being incredibly unattractive and annoying, obviously indicates some kind of sinus problem. To cut a long story short, the Small(er) One has been tested for pretty much everything that could possibly be wrong with her. She's had multiple v

This fantastic cover version of Lou Reed's ' Sweet Jane' by the Cowboy Junkies. One of my all-time favorites - and perfect for a lazy Friday morning. Enjoy.