mothers on the verge

1. Contraception would suddenly become 100% effective 2. The attention of all (male) scientists would shift from silly little diseases like H1N1 and HIV to more urgent matters, such as eradicating morning sickness, backache, swollen nipples and even more inconvenient nasties such as childbirth. Babies would be born by painlessly popping out of the male bellybutton within two minutes. Or even better, by being found under a gooseberry bush or delivered by a passing friendly stork 3. Until this happy day of scientific breakthrough arrives, men would retire to a special birthing chamber - upon confirmation of pregnancy until they are ready to give birth - to 'bravely' suffer though their ordeal with only the most basic of comforts: a Playstation, 50in plasma screen, mini-fridge full of alcohol-free lager and pizza delivery on speed-dial 4. Birthing classes such as the NCT and any birthing guru-type who demonstrates childbirt...

Bit cross today as spent the third morning in a row looking at real estate in Dubai, Alpha being a bit keen to invest some money in bricks and mortar. Just got off the phone to umpteen agents, each more annoying than the last. Here is my rough guide to communicating with estate agents in Dubai (most of them anyway, I know one who is great. Email me off-blog if you want her details): Rule #1 - never believe anything they tell you. Dubai estate agents LIE outrageously without any qualms whatsoever. Rule #2 - if an advert for a property looks too good to be true, it is too good to be true. When you call to inquire after the huge, gorgeous, incredibe bargain you've just seen an ad for it will inevitably already have been 'sold'. In other words, it didn't exist in the first place (except in the estate agent's imagination) and it was a cheap ruse to SUCKER YOU IN. Rule #3 - square footage in Dubai is not the same as anywhere else in the world. There are two types of s...