mothers on the verge

YLM and I agree - becoming a mama can bring out the best in you, and the very worst. But neither of us were at all prepared for the horror that are the (s)mothers. Sure my own mama warned me. Told me to avoid the PTA like an e-coli infested melon cup. But did I listen? For me, if it's not personally experienced, it's not real. So after five years of experiencing (s)mothers, I have gleaned a few things that I feel compelled, much like a vaccine for yeast infections, to pass along to my fellow Mamas: How you too can pass through a pack of wild (s)mothers and not ever be detected. 1. Pack your child a homemade lunch. Preferably one that is organic, free-range, hormone-free and put into an environmentally appropriate container — perhaps a paper bag you have made by yourself by pulping newspapers and drying it in the sun. 2. Sign up for every damn field trip, PTA function, bake sale and fund raiser. Then complain — lightly — when asked how you do it all. Shrug, and take a sip of y...

No Resolutions here people. I promised. But some things I think that keeping in mind may pep up my 2008: 1. You Don't Have to Answer the Phone. Just because someone calls you doesn't mean you have to be available at that moment. Voicemail anyone? My own grandmother actually refuses to get an answering machine because she doesn't even want the messages. She answers when she wants, and if not, "If it's important they'll call back." 2. Ditto to Email It can wait 10 minutes. Even from the boss, client, daughter, wife, Prince, you get my point. In fact if we all waited 10 minutes, a lot of angry flames, would go up in, well, flames. A magazine publisher I knew answered e-mail twice a day. Twice a day. Didn't even open the program so he couldn't see the letters load in. Try it. Nice. 3. You're Going To Die Okay, a bit of a downer. But think of this: Nothing really counts in the long run. All those extra hours working for more money, better job, bigg...

I know October is here not because of the weather (it finally broke this afternoon, but this extended heat has given me a summer rash), but because... I went to a PTA meeting tonight. You'd think, given my past experience, I would know better. You'd think given my own mother telling me how insufferable these meetings were for her -- 30 odd years ago -- I would know better. But no, I went tonight, and get ready...ran for a seat on a board that helps draft policy for the school. That meets monthly. That meets for 2 hours once a month on a night that The Prince traditionally never gets home before 11 pm. And...I lost. Five people running for 3 seats, and I and the woman known as "the loon" lost. Now that should send me to the Entenmann's box, right? The crazy thing is, I knew I shouldn't have run. I had to drag The Rabbit out of the house, with a piece of chicken still in her tiny hand, race to the meeting in the rain, drop her off with some woman in the lunchroo...

I swear I don't know why I do this to myself (sure I do, I'm insane.) but I am going to try and trek out to the first PTA night at The Rabbit's school tonight. I know I'm going to hate it. I know it's going to be boring. I know I'm going to feel uncomfortable ("why won't that mom sit with me!") but I also just want to know what is going on with this school. The Prince brings the Rabbit to school every morning, and somehow has missed the schedule posted to the door out front, as well as the day for curriculum night, etc. Picking her up at school, I get to see the playground, and a lovely smile, but just a smile, from her teacher. I am far too curious (read: neurotic) to have this limited amount of information. So off tonight I go to the Parents Torture Association meeting. Did I say that?