mothers on the verge

So, now with the Democratic convention underway, we're starting that deeply American tradition called the Presidential election. How much do I hate this time? I'd rather watch pre-season football. From 1997. No, not anti-American. Just have a really hard time stomaching one bad speech after another meant to rile what I like to believe are thoughtful, independent-thinking people into a herd mentality. The Rabbit understands that something is going on about voting. She understands that mommy and daddy have not exactly agreed in recent months about something, but that things seem to be calming down. But now, as The Prince believes he's won the battle, he is trying to turn The Rabbit into his own little cheerleader. Last night, after prompting her for a bit with some chanting and so forth, (while mama read quietly in the other room) I heard him ask her the following: The Prince: "So, WHO are we going to vote for honey?" A pause. The Rabbit: "I'm going to vote...

The Rabbit, having the first suntan of her tiny life, is itching as her skin, well, sheds. No, I had no plan for her to tan while we visited friends last week. Yep, not a little evil parenting monster who thinks her child should soak up UVA and UVB rays to set off her sunkissed hair. That would be The Prince. But I digress. So, The Rabbit, who has eczema, is discovering the joy of the AFTER effects of sun. What happens after she rubs her body in piles of sand (fun), making sun angels (gross, but okay, fun) and rubbing sand across her face (bizarre, gross, and not really sure how fun) and then having her father not decide that rubbing sandpaper across her skin just MIGHT wipe off the 2-inch think coating I had slathered on her before he declared himself her afternoon play date in the sun. Last night I spent 2 hours with her in the middle of the night -- rubbing aloe vera, cortizone, vaseline and shea butter on to her skin. And then finally, when I realized that I would never sleep again...

Thank you all for your comments about email. I tried yesterday and found instead I just withered away the morning reading -- when I should have been at the computer actually writing. Going to have to try something else....or try harder. My latest peeve is the mountains of projects I have piling up around me that I am desperate to do: sewing, paper making, craft ideas for Easter. They're just taunting me from my precariously tall pile in the bedroom. Must. Not. Look. Instead, I have spent the past few days trying to focus intently on work while the The Rabbit is at school and then focus on her when she's home, and wrap some projects into our fun. Yesterday we made a sculpture garden out of clay — if I could FIND the digital camera I'd shoot a photo. I made the people looking at the sculpture while The Rabbit decided she would be the artist and "work very hard" at making the sculpture. So much fun. I can't believe squishing clay could be this much fun. This afte...

Have to admit, we've had a run of good stuff lately. What you ask? Well, a project I spent the last 6 months working on has finally taken lift and is getting some nice attention with a national audience, and I feel very proud of the work. And The Rabbit loves LOVES LOVES!!!!! her teacher and school. And The Prince finally turned a bad situation into something new and got a fresh start. Good omens for 08 right? Well, then, why am I fighting the bad thoughts again? Part of it is The Prince. He never seems satisfied with his situation and takes the door closings hard. Frankly, they're hard. I know it. Believe me I know it. I guess I wished he wouldn't see them all so darkly though. Honestly, if there was ever an Id/Ego battle going on, it's inside me. I take rejection severely hard. So hard I can end up curled on the couch watching The Princess Diaries and sucking down gummies by the pound. And yet, by the next day I'm trying again. It's like some sickness of mine ...

The Prince is changing jobs and has a few days off before his next NEW gig starts Monday (yeah!!!!!!!!) and so today we're taking a mini-holiday, about 4 hours while The Rabbit's in school and before we pick her up to just walk around the city. It's a gorgeous day -- about 65 today -- perfect Fall like weather IF YOU LIVE IN ARIZONA. (I don't ever want to hear again that Global Warming is a myth.) And so we're going to look for a new suit for him, maybe a birthday present for me, maybe even a cup of coffee some place we've never been. Some place quiet. Where people smile. I really need this day. He and I have been sniping at each other, and I just need a serious break from the phone and the computer -- no more calls about legal stress, work stress, family stress. I just need a few hours with him, with me, to just be. Tomorrow we're taking The Rabbit out of school (her magical teacher is thrilled -- she said to me yesterday, "Family time is so importan...

I know October is here not because of the weather (it finally broke this afternoon, but this extended heat has given me a summer rash), but because... I went to a PTA meeting tonight. You'd think, given my past experience, I would know better. You'd think given my own mother telling me how insufferable these meetings were for her -- 30 odd years ago -- I would know better. But no, I went tonight, and get ready...ran for a seat on a board that helps draft policy for the school. That meets monthly. That meets for 2 hours once a month on a night that The Prince traditionally never gets home before 11 pm. And...I lost. Five people running for 3 seats, and I and the woman known as "the loon" lost. Now that should send me to the Entenmann's box, right? The crazy thing is, I knew I shouldn't have run. I had to drag The Rabbit out of the house, with a piece of chicken still in her tiny hand, race to the meeting in the rain, drop her off with some woman in the lunchroo...

The Rabbit, on hearing Mama needs to work to make money, started to come up with reasons why she should be more of a priority -- and why Mama should work less. So she came up with a list of things that, after all, all free. Although shocked that My Little Ponies and cookies actually did cost money (the horror), she was psyched that I did agree with many of them: air clouds colors dreams outer space where all the planets live like Jupiter planets whole wide world laughing teeth and eyeballs Given my state of mind in recent days, I was so taken aback by this, and taped the little list to the wall over my desk. I forget how much my mind has been shaped and molded to stop seeing the world this way. So today I'm noticing the crisp red crane near a construction site down the street, and the dawny pink flowers of my blooming african violet. And even though the city is blanketed in a thick humid fuzz in an desperate (and pathetic) attempt to prevent fall from trumping, I know that tonight ...

The Rabbit's shyness has morphed from cute when she was 2, to sightly irritating now that she's nearly 5. It can be very frustrating when she won't say good morning to friends, parents, even her teachers — and I have to bite my tongue to stop from pushing her. I remember too well feeling so shy as a child I didn't want to raise my hand in class to call attention to myself. Maybe I slipped some of that genetic code to her. And maybe it will take her 30+ years to learn that the world is not actually populated by wolves trying to trip you up. (Okay, 99% of the world.) So this morning's Op-Ed in The New York Times on shyness in children and the urge to medicate it was fascinating to me. I never have once even considered having The Rabbit medicated — nor even thought what she was experiencing was anything other than, well, shyness, and therefore not even necessary to bring up with her doctor. While there are children with serious illness who do need to be medicated, I w...

I swear I don't know why I do this to myself (sure I do, I'm insane.) but I am going to try and trek out to the first PTA night at The Rabbit's school tonight. I know I'm going to hate it. I know it's going to be boring. I know I'm going to feel uncomfortable ("why won't that mom sit with me!") but I also just want to know what is going on with this school. The Prince brings the Rabbit to school every morning, and somehow has missed the schedule posted to the door out front, as well as the day for curriculum night, etc. Picking her up at school, I get to see the playground, and a lovely smile, but just a smile, from her teacher. I am far too curious (read: neurotic) to have this limited amount of information. So off tonight I go to the Parents Torture Association meeting. Did I say that?