mothers on the verge

We've been on the road - not the international escapades of my cohort Kate, but a respectable distance from Manhattan. We packed up the Kid and hauled out to Montana and spent days hiking through pine trees, galavanting on rapids, and spying ancient geysers. I know I claimed the tag Manhattan Mama when we started this blog. But truth is I am a Western girl at heart. Do not get me wrong - I love grabbing a perfect steak at 1 am, and a fancy martini just a block from my house, being able to see incredible museums or listen to great live music with just a simple subway ride. And I thrive in the eclectiveness of the city -- and I think the Kid does too. But it's also important for me that I get OUT. And out to me requires a big sky, land choked with trees and nights so quiet I can hear the wind. I don't see myself moving back West at least for now. But I consider it crucial that the Kid sees land like this at least once a year. She needs to pass by people who say Hi and smi...

Currently trying to recover from an operation whilst trying to figure some essential stuff out. Back on the blog when I get body and soul together.

I'm back in Dubai and jet lagged to b*ggery (why else would I be posting at 4am?). Too many time zones in too short a time, it's a killer. After getting in at 2am yesterday morning, the girls were comatose in bed until lunchtime so I made the most of the peace and quiet by getting out of the house to run a few errands. As my car is still in the garage having God knows what done to it, I was in the Daddy Pimpmobile which is great fun. Not only is Alpha's own personal nod to a mid-life crisis super-fast and emits a pleasing growl when you put your foot down, it's the sort of vehicle more often seen driving through South London at high speed with a police car in hot pursuit. Maybe I'm a bit odd (it has been said before) but the image of a mid-life mild-mannered matron such as myself driving such a dodgy-looking beast amuses me. Driving in Dubai during Ramadan is a pleasurable experience because the roads are almost empty, which means that you can spend less time t...

So I did it. I got a tattoo. A few weeks shy of my 38th birthday, I finally took the plunge and submitted to the tattooist's needle. The reaction from people I've told so far has ranged from "DUDE!!!" to "Uh-Uh. Mid-life crisis!" but I don't care. I had good reasons and it's something I've been wanting to do for years anyway. The difference between having a tattoo done at my advanced age, as opposed to when I was younger and more impulsive, is that I did my research first. The tattoo parlor I eventually chose - based in my family's home town of Fresno California - came highly recommended and is about as respectable as it gets... if such a word can ever be applied to this type of establishment. Plus my dad rather sweetly called them up to quiz them about their sterilization methods once I'd reluctantly confessed to him what I was up to that morning (some things never change, whatever age you are). It's not a big tattoo. In fact, hard-c...

Back in France after two marathon sleepless flights (got an upgrade though, yay) and a train journey. BB delighted to be free of her pushchair/ plane seat restraints so spent the afternoon wobbling at high speed around the garden, her adoring older sisters and cousins in hot pursuit. All charmed by BBs new ability to walk backwards, throw herself head first onto anything squishy whilst squealing in wild abandon, and shout "no!" to all and every reasonable adult request before racing off in the opposite direction. It's now nearly 2am. BB and I are totally wired and hiding out in the kitchen to avoid waking everyone else up. Milk for BB, wine for me - hopefully both will have a pleasing sedative effect. Jetlag sucks. Tomorrow (today!) - packing five weeks worth of baby and kiddy crap into three frighteningly small bags and getting ready to fly back to Dubai on Sunday.

No fat men in 80's casuals this time but we have seen lots of soldiers in full camo gear and a party of six nuns. No electrical storms to be seen so far so fingers crossed we'll be on our way within the hour and will make it to Paris unscathed. Next post will be from France.

Reassuringly low-rent... Revisited.

Now that BB has reached the grand old age of 13 months and a bit, she is most definitely no longer a baby. Due to the fact that Firstborn and the Small(er) One are now closer to the pre-teen stage than babyhood, I'd totally forgotten what toddlers do and how they behave. Here's what BB has taught me in the past month: 1. If it's dirty or otherwise repulsive then a toddler will be drawn to it like a magnet. Toddlers enjoy sticking their chubby hands up drainpipes and down the toilet, eating objects found on the floor (flies appear to be especially interesting), licking windows, investigating the cat's dinner and similarly revolting pursuits. 2. Toddlers have scant regard for danger. Attempting to fling themselves into the deep end of the swimming pool, executing a full-force face plant on to any object that looks bouncy (air beds seem to be ideal), sticking their fingers in plug sockets, wildly shaking anything wobbly (standard lamps, side tables etc), chasing the...

Big family gathering today with lots of food, a bit of beer and lots of music. After various family members returned from their obligatory after lunch naps, the old hippies in the family got out their banjos, the young hipster got out his guitar and a few of us lent our lungs to a selection of old tunes; even BB got her groove on with a spot of percussion and some cheeky dance moves. The day has since degenerated with a cousin-dance-off to Salt-N-Pepa (possibly the most sh*t band to have ever got airtime), with even Gramps getting in a bit of (mild) body popping. Wild times afoot in Fresno... Lord knows what the rest of the night will bring... Quality stuff:

I've always been a bit partial to well-executed street art and I love the fact that it's become an accepted art form in it's own right. I'm not talking about the fat-marker scribbles produced by callow youths in hoodies with a snarling hound charmingly named Killer. I'm talking about the sort of art that leaps out at you from the urban landscape and makes you think, smile or weep. Effective art should always provoke a strong reaction. This is one of my favorite bits of street-art. A bit obvious, maybe, but it makes me laugh. I'm still kicking myself that I was fool enough not to snap up a Banksy when I had the chance... There I was at one of the first street-art exhibitions in London supporting an old mate of mine who'd pulled the whole thing together. There it was, hanging on the wall in front of me - the Banksy Monkey. I loved it, I had my cheque-book in my bag... and I bottled out. What a fool. I really should have said b*llocks to the council tax b...

BB and I finally got to Fresno late yesterday afternoon after a happily uneventful four-hour drive. BB was pretty chilled for most of it but even she'd enough by the time we got to my Grandfather's house. She hasn't stopped since we got here, toddling around in circles like a drunken sailor, shouting "no no no" (her word of the moment), and stopping only to sleep and eat. Thankfully her jet-lag isn't quite as bad as mine. A night of fitful sleep and we were ready to head out this morning for supplies in my big-ass rental car, a chunky Ford which looks like it's been abusing steroids. There we were, BB and I, cruising down the main street to a soundtrack of soft rock (I can't figure out how to change the station on the bloody car stereo), experiencing the good ol' US of A at its finest. The sun was shining, the sky was blue, there was a guy on the corner holding up a 'Jesus Loves You' placard, the fruit stand was loaded with locally-gro...

Finally in San Francisco and just checked into a very slummy Travelodge - feel like I'm in a Tarantino movie. It's 5am here, in my third time zone since we left Paris and now have lost count of travel time/ hours awake. The Washington Dulles saga continued once we got on the plane. We taxi'd, were moments from taking off... And then the plane filled with a burning smell. So off we went back to the gate for the maintenance team to take a look. An hour or so later and it was dismissed as a minor issue so we finally cleared for take off. Could be worse, we could be sleeping on the floor of the airport tonight along with many other stranded people. A stroke of luck really. BB is now fast asleep in what can only be described as a prison cot, but at least she's horizontal and no longer on my knee. Even she looks relieved. Tomorrow, or rather, today - driving 200 or so km to Fresno. Better get some sleep. Sent from my iPhone

Have now been awake for over 24 hours and counting so entirely possible that I'm hallucinating... but swear I just saw a man with impressive moobs showcased in a VERY tight t-shirt, nicely paired with skintight snow-washed jeans, a massive cowboy hat and a curly perm. Euww. The evil bits of the 80's are apparently alive and well and living in Washington Dulles International airport. Flight delayed again . Apparently they can't find a spare pilot. The plane may or may not leave at 1am. None of us are holding our breath. BB is sleeping like a... well... a baby, thankfully. The rest of the passengers are either sprawled out on the airport floor in a comatose state, weeping (those still on standby) or tapping away on some form of electronic gadget. There's a remarkable air of fortitude and comradeship going on amongst those of us still awake and/or not in tears; I love Americans, they're invariably so brilliantly and relentlessly positive . Have decided that I...

NEVER fly Continental Airlines. It really is the Pound Shop of the aviation high street. The planes are knackered, the leg room is tight even for a small person (I'm 5ft 2in, so if it's cramped for me then space really is at a premium), food is rubbish and they don't have baby seatbelts (outrageous) so I had to tie BB to me with a makeshift scarf arrangement. Plus today's flight cost the same as my last direct flight from Dubai to SFO on Emirates. On a more positive note, the air hostesses were really nice and couldn't do enough for BB and I. Huge turbulence on the way in to Dulles, thank God for makeshift scarf arrangement as we were bouncing around in an alarming fashion due to an electrical storm - saw the lightning out of the aircraft window which made it all quite uncomfortably exciting. Massive chaos at Dulles over the past fee hours due to the storm grounding most flights for a couple of hours or more earlier on, so a skeleton team of airport staff are franti...

Cosne to Paris Bercy : two hour train journey passed without incident despite having to get BB, pushchair, wheely bag and backpack off the train solo, my biggest concern. I needn't have worried; as it turns out French men are extremely chivalrous - three of them, including a surly looking teenager with multiple piercings, helped me at the crucial moment. Merci! Paris Bercy to Charles De Gaulle airport: One surly taxi drive later and BB and I are at CDG, possibly the most uninspiring airport ever. BB is fabulous company despite her trying to run away at every available opportunity, so the boredom of the interminable wait is lightened. Need to have a word with her about going up to strange men and grabbing their backsides though, as even in France this is not regarded as civilized behavior. Also proving herself to be shameless thief of other people's crisps and sandwiches. Next stage: 9+ hour flight to Washington DC, 2 hour wait at Dulles, then domestic flight to San Francisco......

This may show me up to be the utter geek that I probably am, but I've just worked out that since 14th July I've managed to clock up a travel distance of 7,997 km by plane, train and car - not including popping to the shops or the local pub/ bar, obviously - across three countries (four if you include the U.A.E.). BB and I are off to California tomorrow, stopping off in Washington DC along the way, an epic journey which will bring the travel tally up to an impressive 18,331 km; this includes the train journey to Paris, one transatlantic flight, one US domestic flight and the 260km drive from San Francisco to Fresno. Which means that by the time we get back to Dubai on 14th August, I'll have travelled a total distance of 34,032 km in one short month. Which, when you think about it, is quite insane. Not to mention extremely environmentally unfriendly. So, after I've planted a few trees in an effort to salve my not-very-green conscience, I may well be staying home fo...