Thursday, January 17, 2008

Someone Needs a Happy Slap

Have to admit, we've had a run of good stuff lately. What you ask?

Well, a project I spent the last 6 months working on has finally taken lift and is getting some nice attention with a national audience, and I feel very proud of the work.

And The Rabbit loves LOVES LOVES!!!!! her teacher and school.

And The Prince finally turned a bad situation into something new and got a fresh start.

Good omens for 08 right? Well, then, why am I fighting the bad thoughts again?

Part of it is The Prince. He never seems satisfied with his situation and takes the door closings hard. Frankly, they're hard. I know it. Believe me I know it. I guess I wished he wouldn't see them all so darkly though.

Honestly, if there was ever an Id/Ego battle going on, it's inside me. I take rejection severely hard. So hard I can end up curled on the couch watching The Princess Diaries and sucking down gummies by the pound. And yet, by the next day I'm trying again. It's like some sickness of mine -- I want and I want to try. So much that you think I'd develop a thicker skin. But instead I just walk around bleeding, semi-bandaged, knocking until something opens. It's actually kind of pathetic. But you know what great truth I have learned?

Something always opens. Always.

And the other truth?

It's usually not the door you tried to open in the first place. It's some door you passed on your great impassioned march towards the first door. Discounting it as too small, too old, too 1960s, too modern. And then it opened without you even trying and you realize --- Hey now. That's one great door.

So I guess he would somehow understand that sometimes when you tunnel in on what you want, you can't see all the great things that you don't even know you might want.

But the final truth? You can't tell anyone this. They just have to Eeyore their way through it.

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