mothers on the verge

Off to California in the morning to spend Christmas with my American family, Alpha and the girls in tow. All very excited, but sad too as we were so looking forward to Christmas with my grandmother and now she won't be with us - or not in body anyway. Sorry for not having posted for a while but Granny's death and funeral took some digesting. On top of that I have been reorganising the apartment in the aftermath of the new kitchen build (a kitchen bigger than a cupboard, amazing!), dealing with the fact that Alpha's new job is seriously full-on (I got used to the whole sharing of school responsibilities but that is now sadly a thing of the past), then a whole series of crazy work deadlines and pesky panicking clients. But anyway, who cares - all that is so almost last year as from tomorrow I am free, free, free for a whole ten days and virtually incommunicado as I'm leaving the CrackBerry at home. Thrilled is too downbeat a word to describe my soaring elation. Merry Chri...

On the 6th Day of Christmas My True Love Said To Me: "What the h--l are you doing? It's almost midnight! Stop baking those g--damn cookies. Who do you think is going to eat all of those?!?!? You're insane. And they don't have enough red hots."

Just a question: Does anyone out there appreciate this? Do we not already KNOW THIS ALREADY? In other words, do we need to know that we look like a HAG with circles under our eyes, and our face slopping downward trying to meet our neck? Same for this response: "You LOOK tired." said after you explain to someone why you're spacing out, "Sorry. I'm tired." Here are proper ways to speak of someone who looks a bit sleep-deprived, or has commented as such: 1. "You look fabulous! So calm!" 2. "Hey -- just about to jaunt off to the cafe. Can I grab you a cappuccino on me?" 3. "Baby, go and take a nap. I'll watch the Rabbit(s)." 4. (Only if you're the boss) "Not a problem. I actually forgot to tell you, Friday's a day off this week, and I booked massages at Elizabeth Arden for you. Enjoy!" 5. "Really? You've been so great today. Wish I could be a bright as you on little sleep. Tell me your secret!" 6...

Sorry to have disappeared during the Holiday melee. This week was especially exhausting getting ready for Party 2: The Rabbit's 5th Birthday affectionately known as The Event. We actually navigated The Event fairly well, thanks in no small part to a magician, an amazing magician called Magical Dave, who kept the 20 children focused and glued for 60 minutes. Also,a drop-off party didn't hurt. I love having parties with adults. But I have decided in the future that for The Rabbit's birthday this is the way to go. I think you need to have a birthday for children....or for adults. And I think the two put together are...a Holiday Party, which is why we had that the weekend before. Truthfully, I think parents loved dropping their children off for 2 1/2 hours and having some time solo. I think in a way I performed a good deed -- some alone time during the holidays on the weekend? That spells massage, cappuccino and a nap all to me. The Rabbit had a wonderful time. Her friends are...

I thought I would get to avoid the horror that is known as the Disney Store this year. Please, I love Disneyland as much as the next kid who grew up going twice a year in Los Angeles. And I love taking my Rabbit. Although note to Disney people: what is UP with the lack of characters running around and forcing us to stand in LINES to meet the Princesses, Mickey Mouse and Pooh? The magic used to be that these guys just WANDERED around their land. This was, uh, Disneyland. Where magical characters roamed free. Not dive bombed in like Johnny Depp signing autographs for 5 minutes at Burger King. But I digress. So I thought I was going to avoid the whole Disney Store crud this year. Where you pretend you're at an amusement park but really the only amusement are the store clerks smirking that you're paying $3.50 a bead for a kid to make a bracelet they'll drop on Fifth Avenue about 3 minutes after you leave. But no. The Rabbit's class has a Secret Santa thing this year (which ...

For anyone curious why the post office's holiday stamps this year are so, well, truly beyond hideous, I may have an answer: Lowest Bidder. How do I know? This morning I trekked to our neighborhood post office with boxes in their brown paper, all my forms filled out properly and walked right up to a window. Amazing. (See? This is what a little planning ahead means...No Lines!) Usually my post office is staffed by a vibrantly surly lot. But perhaps because of the lack of lines, and that my forms were filled out, in advance, before I got to the window, my usual rude guy was actually feeling fairly spritely. In other words, he talked. So we chatted for a minute how spectacularly hard it is to actually make a post stamp as supremely ugly as the holiday stamps are this year. And he said that the postal service even asks employees for suggestions. But that stamps are no longer printed by them -- but contracted out to the lowest bidder. Now, before all you needlepoint lovers start to attac...

The great thing about Gotham during the holidays is not the glow of light on the street that makes you feel like you've walked into a Dickens story (sans Scrooge). Or that glorious feeling of coming in from a frigid windy day to a warmly lit apartment and heating up warm apple cider. Or the fact that what dogs leave behind on the street stops smelling as badly (because their Marc Jacobs-clad, $2.1 million apartment dwelling owners can't bend over to pick it up because they'll faint from not eating since the Summer Solstice....) The great thing about Gotham is the true hybrid of culture. Tonight, the Rabbit and I are putting the finishing touches on our tree, and are racing off in a few for a Hanukah party where we'll eat latkes, apple sauce and some chocolates after lighting the menorah. And then tomorrow, we're making Christmas cookies for our holiday shindig. Don't know much about Kwanzaa, beyond the beautiful kinara (kind of like a menorah I believe but with ...

My much loved grandma died on Saturday. It still hasn't quite sunk in. She died quite suddenly. On Friday she was diagnosed with liver cancer and given two months to live (selfishly I was pleased she had that long as it meant we would see her at Christmas and have the chance to say goodbye), then she had a fatal heart attack on Saturday night. The rational side of me thinks of it as a blessing. Now she won't have to suffer the ravages of the final stages of cancer. My grandfather won't have to witness his beautiful, gregarious wife shrink and shrivel before his eyes. We will always have the memory of her as she was for so many years - always laughing, playing the fool to entertain her grandchildren, a plate of some kind of delicious food in her hand ready to press upon guests, fresh lipstick applied even to go to the grocery store. That is how I want to remember her. But I also wanted the chance to hug her and kiss her powdery cheek one more time, and to tell her how much I...

Finally, after two years of saving and scraping, going through planning permission, negotiating with the leaseholder, getting quotes from numerous builders and many trips to Ikea , our kitchen extension is nearly finished. As I type the sitting room is full of boxes - the rest of the flat-packed kitchen units, assorted lighting and a range of strange objects that will no doubt prove essential - with a fine layer of dust on every surface and piles of stuff everywhere. Alpha (who, in my unlearned opinion, is borderline OCD ) is tearing his hair out and even I am getting a little twitchy. The kids love it though; chaos is integral to their state of being. I would very much like to post a 'before' picture of the gloomy, pigeon-poo splattered side return with an 'after' shot of my 85% completed new kitchen with glass roof and electronic windows (the excitement!), soft-close doors (the joy!), pull out larder (I can barely contain myself!) and laundry area (be still my beating...