mothers on the verge

It's getting very hot here now. I have to drive around with the air con jets arranged so they blow directly into my armpits. Otherwise there is serious danger of combustion (not to mention severe deodorant failure). I'm a far cry from the more seasoned Dubai-ites who swank around in their Swarovski-encrusted jeans in the 40C heat. Personally, I'm all over baggy cotton and elasticated waistbands right now as anything else makes me feel like a sausage about to burst out of its too-tight skin. Who ever said Dubai is glamorous? I've been doing a lot of people watching lately, mainly while sweating in the shade waiting for the school bell to ring, which has been a fascinating exercise in socio-cultural something or other. Basically, Dubai mothers can be loosely split into the following categories: THE HUMMER MOM - Hummer Mom's heroine is Angelina in her Tomb Raider days. Gym honed and super-toned, she pours herself into tight black outfits and fixes a 'don'...

I'm turning into a grumpy old woman. Alpha claims this is a good thing, saying that I'm far too nice to people and I might as well wear a sign saying "walk all over me". But surely turning into an uber-bitch is a step too far? What's really making me feel the rage at the moment is certain people (you know who you are) trying to deny that Firstborn is dyslexic. These naysayers seem to think that I'm doing something really bad in allowing such a label to be applied to her. Like I'm making it up or something. Erm, why would I do that? Do they think I'm insane? Here are the main 'arguments': "But Firstborn seems so normal..." "She's obviously intelligent and she speaks well, she can't be dyslexic!" "Some children are just slower than others, it doesn't mean she's dyslexic. Why don't you just wait a few years and see what happens?" "Dyslexia is a load of rubbish, it's one of those trendy wo...

It was Alpha's birthday last week so we used it as an excuse to get out the city for the weekend and head up the coast for a bit of beach-and-snorkelling action. Here's where we ended up. Anyone out there still thinking that Dubai is all super-bling and uber-luxury?

Losing teeth is a major conversation topic in our house right now. This is because my 6-and-a-half-year-old daughter has not lost any yet, despite nearly all of her friends proudly sporting holes in their mouth. Assuming that at some point these baby teeth will depart (the front one is possibly wiggling, according to The Rabbit) I have started asking parents what the going rate is for the tooth fairy. Now when I was little (cue the squeaking rocking chair), I firmly remember getting a silver dollar for each tooth. And I felt at the time that was sizeable. Of course I assumed inflation would play some part in what today’s pay scale, but I had no idea by how much. Grab yourself a seat in your own rocker and read on. A child at her school got $20 for the first tooth. (And yes, this was verified with the mother.) Another got just $5 — of course that came along with a new Wii title as a bonus. (And I was assured she got $3 from then on. Right.) But $5? For a first tooth? How about for ever...

Dear Lauren, You'll be pleased to know that I finally got off my lazy behind and picked up my Arabic book. So far I know three whole words - Salam (hello), marhaban (welcome) and shokran (thank you). Considering the atrophied state of my brain (caused by full-time Mommydom or the heat, who knows?) I'm feeling fairly smug. By my calculations, if I can learn three new words every week then I'll be speaking Arabic by, erm, 2012. Onwards and upwards! I haven't hit the gym yet or completed any of my other resolutions, but this week has been better than last week as I've been quite busy, mainly due to having a couple of nice friends here who are hell-bent on rescuing me from my home-alone mummy doldrums. I've also been making myself useful by helping out at school and with extra Dyslexic Unit sessions for Firstborn (more on that another time). Other exciting news from Dubailand is that the mangy stray cat that adopted us when we moved in should be giving us the double...

Dear Kate, What-to-do-with-yourself-itis is plaguing me as well over on this side of the world. Although I am trying to fill it with random tasks. By now Swine Flu fears have swarmed North America. I don't know if real cases have hit Dubai. The U.S. is definitely on alert. Our local CVS is out of surgical masks. Even the neighbor wonders if she should be nervous with her two young children. I went out an bought a few extra cans of soup, some Mucinex and tissues. Today I'm going to buy some antibacterial stuff as well, but I'm trying not to think too much on it. Still, it's a diversion from the economy — and hey, it's getting me to buy stuff. However my sense is that even with worries of a pandemic, the recession is still playing front and center. Sure most of the media outlets— as well as the government — are trying to make it seem as if the downturn, while not exactly over, is not in free fall anymore. But my own profession continues to be decimated, practically da...

Now I have these huge swathes of time available to me in between the school runs, here's what I plan to do: 1. Blog more often (er, yes, I know this is a promise I make on a regular basis, but now I have no excuse not to) 2. Learn Arabic (as predicted, the teach-yourself-Arabic book that I bought before Christmas is still in it's wrapper, untouched...) 3. Meet hordes of intelligent, funny, independent and hopefully sarcastic women and persuade them to hang out with me... I need some girlfriends this side of the world or I'm going to have to start talking to the cat 4. Do some exercise (ugh... but starting to become necessary as it's all heading south; got to face up to the fact that youth is no longer on my side) 5. Start to paint again. I unearthed my old art folder recently and some of it was fairly decent, need to get back in the flow 6. Do all the boring things, like sorting out all the stuff that has been sitting in Everest-like piles waiting to be filed away and o...

My latest post up on TwitterMoms.... (And yes, I promise to respond to Kate's letter shortly!) Do Charities Test Your Limits? They're testing a lot of people in today's economy....

As always, I'm full of good intentions. I fully intended to blog from California but didn't take my laptop (me+2 kids+luggage= travel light) so was reliant upon my using my dad's laptop BUT he's distrustful of cookies so I couldn't use Blogger (he's a vintage 1970's computer boffin with security-fear issues). Sorry, y'all. Anyway, Fresno was a blast (in a kind of low-key way) and it was great to hook up with my family. I could go on about it, and probably will another time, but for now I'll just say that seeing my kids enjoying the stuff I most enjoyed about Fresno when I was a kid (my doting aunts and uncles, hanging with my cousins, cuddling my Grandpa, digging up the garden and ready access to the overstock of fizzy drinks in the outside refridgerator) sparked a major trip down memory lane. Bitter-sweet. We're back in Dubai now and sweet Alpha is happy again, despite the noise, mess and general chaos (the secret to a successful marriage: go on...

Dear Kate, I apologize for the long delay. Some family health concerns right now with extended family, which will also make this short. I hope you can fill in with a longer post in my stead! I feel that everywhere I turn I hear of another friend who has been downsized, forced to take a pay cut, or is so worried about these things it's affecting their ability to focus. I know the President has said he feels he seeing signs of recovery. I think that would be wonderful. I don't know if he's just trying to make people feel better, or if I just know the unlucky ones. I remember after Sept. 11th the city went into an economic lock-down. It was practically impossible to find work if you were out of work. But somehow I don't remember the mood as this negative. I have to wonder though if part of what's going on is everyone buying into the bleak reports. In other words — if they say it's bad, it's bad. Well, that could be true. But I also think some people are using t...

Hi Lauren, For some reason my internet connection is slow on a Neanderthal scale, yet AGAIN, so I’m sending you this via Outlook Express which for some reason seems to work even when everything else is at a snail’s pace. Causing a bit of a problem with blogging, as you can imagine. The girls and I are off to the States tomorrow for a family gathering, the first time the bulk of the family will be together in one place for more years than I can remember. I’m really excited t o be seeing my American family, especially my Grandpa; he’s 90 now so I am acutely aware that every visit could be the last time I see him, especially since Granny died just over a year ago. We’re having to leave poor Alpha in Dubai as he can’t get the time off work; he’s pretty cut up about it and has had a long face all week. The kids have been weird all day and the Small(er) One had a little weep about “leaving Daddy behind” – when you’re that small I guess a two week absence from your father is...

Dear Kate, Stories like this are starting to trickle through the U.S. too. Today on the front page of The New York Times was another piece about tent communities growing. Featured, were two - one in Sacramento, Ca. and another in Fresno, Ca. But they're popping up in Nashville, Tenn., Olympia, Wa. and St. Peterburg, Fl. as well. I spent a summer in St. Petersburg years ago working for the local paper and I'm trying to imagine a "Hooverville" there. (That was the name given to homeless encampments during the depression in the 1930s - for President Hoover.) While there aren't any tent cities in Manhattan, it's still coming close to home. I'm hearing stories within my community- about the single mom who has lost her job, certainly belt-tightening by almost all. Empty storefronts are growing — even within a block or two of my apartment. The Rabbit asked me a few weeks ago if we might lose our home. I realized even at 6, she's still too young for me to ha...

Dear Lauren, There was a storm tonight. It was an amazing sight to see; the lightening crackling through the sky, a sheet of sudden rain and garden furniture being blown about by the wind. The storm has passed now and the air is fresh and clean-smelling, a relief after days of sultry, stifling heat. You asked me in your last letter if the downturn is being felt in Dubai. At the time I rattled on about the ads posted in the Park & Shop and Spinneys supermarkets by expats leaving in a hurry, but nothing hit home as much as seeing two cars parked outside the girl's school this week which are obviously being lived in, stacked high inside with sleeping bags and what looks like all of the occupants worldly possessions. I read an article in the local paper this morning about people starting to live in their cars due to financial problems; it seems it's an issue currently being experienced by the many Indian workers for whom being made redundant is not cushioned with a decent pay-o...

Lauren - Yay! I'm back online. It's incredibly slow though but I've been told it will get faster once we are properly registered with the exchange??! Sounds like a load of guff to me but I'm already getting used to Dubai's funny little ways - one of which is to tell people what they want to hear, even if it's a blatant and ridiculous lie, in order to get them to go away and so leave the shameless fibber to get back to picking their nose or whatever it was they were doing before the customer showed up with outrageous demands for delivery of the service they'd paid for. But apart from this funny little quirk (and some others, all will come out sooner or later) I'm loving it here. The house is almost together, Ikea turned up at the weekend with my bookshelves (meaning I was able to unpack the last of the boxes - a special moment) and the sun is shining (as always, will I ever get sick of this??!) - all is well. The Small(er) One also finally has a school pl...

Dear Kate, I didn't mean to take so long to write back. A whirlwind around here — some normal, some annoying. First, I'm thrilled to hear that Firstborn is loving school. That's ideal. Isn't it awful when you find you've entrusted your child to teachers, to a school, and find that they weren't really to be trusted in the first place? They don't get your child. They don't WANT to get your child. Basically, they've failed and you are left to pick up the pieces. Which you've done. And well. Today was a snow day, which means the Rabbit did not go to school. I should find this sort of thing exciting because I grew up without snow in Los Angeles. On a rare day we might be kept home because of brush fires (ash falling on the playground and that sort of thing.) or Noah-like rain storms. (Once, our car began to float down Sunset Blvd as my mother drove us to school. She regained tread and took us home.) Given the day off of school, the Rabbit had a mini-p...

Hi Lauren, We've been here for nearly a month now and it still freaks me out every time I allow myself to think properly about it. Thankfully these moments are few and far between as I've been spending a minimum of 5 hours per day (in between the rather arduous school run) looking at villas to rent. Then it's the usual malarky, you know, the 'lost' hours between the end of the school day and kids bedtime. Then I collapse into a heap and brain shuts down. Firstborn is now in school, which was a bit of a nightmare to find but we triumphed eventually. She's been recently diagnosed as being dyslexic so it made it all the more difficult to find her a place - one school turned her down after looking at her school reports, saying that her grades weren't good enough... at the age of 6! Rubbish. Think we had a lucky escape on that one. The Small(er) One is still school-less, which means that she has hang out with me all day (much to her disgust as my playing skills a...

Dear Kate, Dubai. Still wrapping my head around your living there. Such another world, and yet I imagine the constants are true — children go to school (!), families try to meet for dinner, light switches turn on and off, people Google. I'm imagining the mood there has to be better than in London. Certainly better than in New York. It's as if the layer of cushion that everyone had wrapped themselves in after the election, following Obama's inauguration, has finally worn. New York has never been known as the city of warmth and joy — but it feels even darker still. The economic reality has finally kicked in, and as stores shutter, as the neighbor loses her job, people are biting at each other. I'm just waiting for the 'better you than me' attitude to appear. I'm afraid it actually will. I see it so keenly in the moms — it's quiet, but there. Ice-skating outings with young girls and their mothers, now means a brown-bag lunch instead of a bistro after for ho...

Probably not the most PC thing to be saying during this economic time, but I am firing my colorist. And while I'm at it I'm adding The Rabbit's hair cutter and the nail salon down the street. Before you launch into an entire Manhattan Mama is a snob routine, let me add that the nail salon charges $6 for a manicure — I am not talking about expensive beauty routines here. But this is the deal — I am frankly tired of paying for bad work. And worst of all? I am seriously tired of having to either A) not say anything about the bad work or B) say something and sound like a, well, hideous Manhattan snob. What has brought this on? Three truly annoying encounters in 5 days. 1. The woman who adds some color to my hair. I get lowlights added once in awhile (brunette hair)— and as my grays have started to come in, this means some coverage. For the past year she's been encouraging me to keep the grey. Encouraging is the wrong word. Badgering is the right word actually. Telling me I ...

Anyone out there using this phrase? Truly not trying to step on toes here, but I'm not feeling the love with this coinage. Can't help but think of manure every time I hear it, and also hating the idea that this is a trend. Moms more than anyone get that we are always entrepreneur-ing - - every time we literally start a new baby & me class, figure out a new situation to get some work crammed into a truncated day, or get "Laid Off" after our leaving the office at 5 pm to see a new child doesn't sit well with the powers that be — and yet refashion ourselves anyway. We've been doing the "mompreneur" thing for decades. So why now do we need our own class of entreprenuer-ship? Why place ourselves in the "special" area along with female CEOs and single women who buy their own homes? My opinion? We're just entrepreneurs. Phenomenal ones. Who happen to have a focus group that work for fruit snacks.

So maybe we don't need a reminder to slow down— the economy seems to be imposing this action on many mamas already. However, that doesn't mean we're using this slow down effectively, usefully or enjoyably. Many years ago, one of my mentors told me that every career is full of ups and downs. Every part of life, a hurry up phase and then a slow down. When the slower parts hit, the trick is not to panic into them — but to use them and revel in the time given. Launch projects you didn't have the time for previously. Tighten up skills. Re-connect with friends, family. Heck, even clean. Here's how one town is taking the idea of slowing time to one extreme: New note at 'longest concert'