Sunday, May 24, 2009

Dubai Mothers

It's getting very hot here now. I have to drive around with the air con jets arranged so they blow directly into my armpits. Otherwise there is serious danger of combustion (not to mention severe deodorant failure). I'm a far cry from the more seasoned Dubai-ites who swank around in their Swarovski-encrusted jeans in the 40C heat. Personally, I'm all over baggy cotton and elasticated waistbands right now as anything else makes me feel like a sausage about to burst out of its too-tight skin.

Who ever said Dubai is glamorous?

I've been doing a lot of people watching lately, mainly while sweating in the shade waiting for the school bell to ring, which has been a fascinating exercise in socio-cultural something or other. Basically, Dubai mothers can be loosely split into the following categories:

THE HUMMER MOM - Hummer Mom's heroine is Angelina in her Tomb Raider days. Gym honed and super-toned, she pours herself into tight black outfits and fixes a 'don't mess with me' expression on her face at all times. HM swings herself out of the driving seat of her gleaming Hummer and strides purposefully to the school gates, gym bags, lunch pails and school rucksacks slung effortlessly over one sleek shoulder, kids trotting obediently behind her. Lesser mothers are flung aside as she plows through the crowds, determined that nothing will impede her path. What she does during the day is a mystery as nobody is brave enough to engage her in polite chit-chat, but it's got to include lengthy sessions at the gym and regular protein shakes.

THE GLAMAZON - Glamazon has never been seen without a full face of make-up and professionally blow-dried hair. Glossy of leg and lip, she has the art of walking across a playing field and navigating stretches of sand in 5-inch heels down to a fine art. Like a magpie, she loves anything with a bit of sparkle and is often encrusted with gems, real and fake, on every visible surface. Looking this remarkable takes a lot of work, so G's days are spent at Dubai's most swanky salons, the gym, the mall or picking at salad for 'lunch' while complaining about the laziness of her latest maid(s). Glamazon's children have complicated hair and are often coated with a light dusting of glitter.

THE DUBAI SLOANE - blonde and rangy, the Dubai Sloane is straight out of London's King's Road, just with a better tan and a slightly more dazed expression. Her highlights are always salon-perfect, she favours safari style separates (her favorite film is Out of Africa) and she would much prefer a Colonial lifestyle - Dubai is much too obvious for her. Her days are filled with tennis, lunch at the Club and planning her summer escape back to their weekend 'bolthole' in Sussex. Her dearest wish is for Hughey to get a transfer back to the London office so they can all live in glorious Blighty again, away from all this foreign nonsense, which frankly she finds quite baffling.

Duty calls (i.e. rugrats are shouting for dinner). More to come.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Sounds like Desperate Housewives!
Someone ought to write a sitcom.
Whew! Gulf Gadabouts! Glamazon Desert Diaries! Hummers on Heat!
I think this could be BIG.