Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Old bag

They say you can tell a lot by what a woman keeps in her handbag.

My handbag - more commonly known as 'The Black Hole'... since once something is dropped into its murky depths it is rarely seen again - has been increasing in size as the years go by and with the addition of each child. At this rate, expect to see me sporting a nice, smart wheely bag this time next year.

With some trepidation, I empty out my handbag to investigate. Here's what I discovered:
  1. A purse bulging with receipts, credit cards, ID cards, 2 driving licenses, photos and, sadly, not much cash
  2. A locker key from Dubai Mall ice-rink (oops, should have given that back)
  3. A small bottle of Dettol instant hand sanitiser 
  4. A roll of AED100 notes stuffed into a side pocket (not so impressive on closer examination, but still... a happy moment)
  5. A tube of Clarins Beauty Flash Balm (to counteract the draining effects of the early-morning school run)
  6. A tube of Clarins Eye Revive Beauty Flash (ditto)
  7. A tube of Sephora Lip Attitude in colour G11 (Ladies, the best lipstick ever btw)
  8. Two packs of Marlboro Ultra Lights, one empty with suspicious-looking chewed bits on the corners (Baby Belly's trademark, but... when did she last get into my handbag??! There's a back-story to this, must remember to interrogate Firstborn and the Small(er) One)
  9. Four(!) lighters
  10. One Anapen Junior 150 micrograms (for the Small(er) One's shellfish allergy)
  11. Various scraps of paper with scribbled notes on them, including one very romantic love note from the Small(er) One *ahhh*
  12. Three birthday candles (must be from Firstborn's birthday yesterday - really hope so, otherwise they've been in there for months)
  13. Various toys, including the hideous Littlest Pet Shop dog which the Small(er) One had a tantrum about having lost last week (double oops)
  14. Three pens, one no longer working
  15. One nappy (unused! Just in case anyone was wondering...)
  16. My iPhone
  17. A sweet letter from one of my most long-standing friends, the lovely Nic
  18. A copy of J.D. Salinger's 'The Catcher in the Rye' 
  19. A voucher for a free glass of p*ss left over from my last Ladies Night at the Westin (hmm, wonder if still valid?)
  20. A slightly battered looking Waitrose Raspberry and Apple cereal bar (for low blood-sugar emergencies/ hungry whining children)
  21. An empty box of painkillers
  22. Lots of crumbs (from when the Small(er) One tried to use my handbag as a bin for her unwanted sandwich earlier this week) 
Conclusion: I am indeed irredeemably slummy. 

Anyone else want to 'fess up about their shameful handbags? You know where to comment... 


Plastic paddy said...

Sounds like you've been using my bag!

Suse said...

Purse, car keys, house keys, tissues, aspirin, lipstick, nail file, mints, perfume, unwrapped fluffy sweet, child drawing of sheep, hairspray, deaoderant, lip balm, small teddy bear, wet wipes, mobile phone, sunscreen, no crumbs.

Do I pass?

Anonymous said...

Can't face it! Too scared to discover what's at the bottom of my lovely Genuine fake!......maybe tomorrow...