Skip to main content

Let's talk about S-*-X, baby

Oh no. I've been hit with the Big Question. I knew it would come along at some point but I'd really hoped for another year or so of blissful ignorance.

Driving home from piano practice last night, a little voice in the back piped up out of the blue: "Mummy, what's s*x?"

I look in the rearview at Firstborn's sweet little face, which is currently wearing a most interested expression. There's a moment of frenzied internal panic. My mind churns, desperately seeking an escape route or, at the very least, a clear path through the pre-teen minefield. I am totally unprepared for this.

I struggle in a swamp of choice paralysis. Do I go for the blatant lie? Do I say it's something I'll tell her about when she's older? I could claim that s*x is something along the lines of 'snogging' - this could work, both girls find the very idea of sucking face with a ...urrgh.. boy absolutely revolting - leaving the way open for a super-quick change of subject. Or I could just be honest.

I take a deep breath. I steel myself... And find myself saying: "It's something to do with making babies. I'll buy you a book which we can read together to find out all about it. Is that OK?"

Firstborn nods happily. Crisis averted. For now. 

Comments

Springgirl said…
Had you stayed in London she would have learnt all about it be now from the "fast" crew in year 4... Off-Spring Number 1 confirmed the information doing the rounds over lunch and during literacy (indeed - dictionary skills are being used very profitably!)- again quite unprepared but had to meet the question head on. Like most things, the anticipation is a bigger deal than the event...
Kate B. said…
Hi Springgirl, London - scary huh? Some things don't change though, do they? I too recall looking for all the rude words in the dictionary when I was young... perhaps I should leave a Collins Concise on her bedside and be done with it!!? Thanks for the feedback.
safa silly said…
You could always talk about the birds and bees, though I have never understood what they specifically had to do with it.....
Plastic paddy said…
Good when it's in the car though as they can't see the look of fear in your eyes! Remember having similar conversation with DS in car while lady gaga was singing about her disco stick, hopefully he didn't see my shoulders shaking as he explained why it was rude! How come they know all about sex and what gay means but they still believe in santa?
Anonymous said…
Hilarious! I'm glad my children's generation is now suffering the discomfort which this subject has brought up since lord knows when... Blatant lies worked wonders for me - because they're never going to believe you anyway. Their peers are always going to be their primary and only credible source of information.
Anonymous said…
Prepare yourself for when she asks if she can watch next time!
Anonymous said…
Useful discussion. This is coming up for us soon, I think! Not a bad approach. Better to think about it ahead of time rather than get caught, erm, with one's pants down!
Kate B. said…
Thanks for your comments, have since come up with another solution - brief Firstborn's 12-year old cousin to tell all when we go on holiday at Easter! It could be a brilliant coward's way out! Tempting...

Popular posts from this blog

Apologies for being incommunicado this week and hope none of you out there are too distraught not to be receiving the usual almost-daily MotV missives. The reason for the silence is that I'm up to my neck, metaphorically-speaking, in research papers for my first grad course assessment. This experience has made me realise how rigorously un-academic I am in my thinking. It has also illuminated how reliant I am on red wine in order to get through endless evenings typing furiously on my laptop, not to mention the fueling of increasingly colorful curses that I feel obliged to aim at the University's online library system which consistently refuses to spit out any of the journals I'm desperate for (I refuse to believe this is 100% due to my technical incompetence...) Oh well, if this is the price one has to pay in order to realize a long-cherished dream then it's not all that bad... No one ever said a mid-life career change would be easy. Wish me luck!

Environment

Being an expat, a favorite topic of conversation is 'where I/you want to go next?' or 'When do you plan to go home?' It's a good question. I'm not sure I want to stay in Dubai for ever, but I'm also not sure about how long I want to be here for or where else I would like to live. For almost the first time ever, I have no fixed plans apart from keeping my eyes and mind open to interesting opportunities. And as to going 'home', I have no idea where that is. Constantly moving around as a child left me with the feeling that 'home' is wherever I am right now, so in effect 'home' could be anywhere. The longest I've ever lived in one fixed place was 18 years in London, on and off, but that doesn't feel like 'home' either - I love going back to see family and friends, and it's a great place to shop, but that's about it. I have a great love for California, which is where my extended family is from (and where most of the