Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Let's talk about S-*-X, baby

Oh no. I've been hit with the Big Question. I knew it would come along at some point but I'd really hoped for another year or so of blissful ignorance.

Driving home from piano practice last night, a little voice in the back piped up out of the blue: "Mummy, what's s*x?"

I look in the rearview at Firstborn's sweet little face, which is currently wearing a most interested expression. There's a moment of frenzied internal panic. My mind churns, desperately seeking an escape route or, at the very least, a clear path through the pre-teen minefield. I am totally unprepared for this.

I struggle in a swamp of choice paralysis. Do I go for the blatant lie? Do I say it's something I'll tell her about when she's older? I could claim that s*x is something along the lines of 'snogging' - this could work, both girls find the very idea of sucking face with a ...urrgh.. boy absolutely revolting - leaving the way open for a super-quick change of subject. Or I could just be honest.

I take a deep breath. I steel myself... And find myself saying: "It's something to do with making babies. I'll buy you a book which we can read together to find out all about it. Is that OK?"

Firstborn nods happily. Crisis averted. For now. 

8 comments:

Springgirl said...

Had you stayed in London she would have learnt all about it be now from the "fast" crew in year 4... Off-Spring Number 1 confirmed the information doing the rounds over lunch and during literacy (indeed - dictionary skills are being used very profitably!)- again quite unprepared but had to meet the question head on. Like most things, the anticipation is a bigger deal than the event...

YEM said...

Hi Springgirl, London - scary huh? Some things don't change though, do they? I too recall looking for all the rude words in the dictionary when I was young... perhaps I should leave a Collins Concise on her bedside and be done with it!!? Thanks for the feedback.

safa silly said...

You could always talk about the birds and bees, though I have never understood what they specifically had to do with it.....

Plastic paddy said...

Good when it's in the car though as they can't see the look of fear in your eyes! Remember having similar conversation with DS in car while lady gaga was singing about her disco stick, hopefully he didn't see my shoulders shaking as he explained why it was rude! How come they know all about sex and what gay means but they still believe in santa?

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! I'm glad my children's generation is now suffering the discomfort which this subject has brought up since lord knows when... Blatant lies worked wonders for me - because they're never going to believe you anyway. Their peers are always going to be their primary and only credible source of information.

Anonymous said...

Prepare yourself for when she asks if she can watch next time!

Anonymous said...

Useful discussion. This is coming up for us soon, I think! Not a bad approach. Better to think about it ahead of time rather than get caught, erm, with one's pants down!

YEM said...

Thanks for your comments, have since come up with another solution - brief Firstborn's 12-year old cousin to tell all when we go on holiday at Easter! It could be a brilliant coward's way out! Tempting...