Thursday, March 31, 2011

Dubai Stereotypes: The Player

Like any badly behaved pedigree hound, The Player is in his element when running with the pack but is invariably a disaster in the domestic environment.

Usually a handsome devil with scads of charm, The Player is the ultimate party boy. He can be found propping up the bar wherever hordes of young and gorgeous women are likely to gather, twinkling away determinedly at the best-looking and most skimpily-dressed babes whilst conspicuously jangling the keys to his beloved Porsche. In Dubai for a three-year contract, he's determined to make the most of everything this most glamorous and obvious of cities has to offer and that most definitely includes the lavish female buffet.

Here's a warning, ladies. Any experienced dog trainer will tell you that it's possible to train your wilder breed of hound but a potential owner needs to go in with their eyes wide open. Domestication will take years of work and the regular doling out of tasty treats to reward good behaviour... and even then there is always a high probability of regression.

Of course, neutering is always an option if you find yourself in a last-chance scenario but the resulting change in personality may well dilute what first attracted you to The Player, not to mention a serious dimming of that naughty twinkle (and wasn't that what kept you going back for more?!)

So, if you come across The Player, handle with care; he may be good for a night or two, perhaps even a couple of weeks if you're lucky, but he's not a keeper. If you're shopping for a male with parental-introduction potential then steer clear. After all, it pays to remember that a Porsche is just not designed to be fitted with a baby seat...


Anonymous said...

Hmmm, do I detect just a vague undercurrent of middle age resentment there, Kate S?

Some rather alarming references (from a male POV) to some time honoured ways of dealing with boisterous doggies, but I should warn you it made no difference to ours! Not that he was ever a Porsche man.

Anonymous said...

There's only one way to deal with a Boisterous Doggy - get rid of him! A nice calm Lap Dog is far preferable and likes to stay home at night.

Kate S. said...

ho ho anon, not middle aged yet. Am still clinging on to my sort-of youth. Resentment? Not at all. Been there, tamed that.

Only problem with lap dogs - they are annoyingly yappy and I always have a slight urge to kick them (but I don't, obviously, so let's not have that sparking a comment deluge.)

le spendeur said...

is this some kind of aspirational style guide for slightly greying web developers stuck in england?

where do i sign up?

Kate S. said...

Hi le spend, yes, this is def what the majority of slightly greying web developers aspire to but sadly for you, you were tamed (and neutered??) a long time ago by your lovely common-law. The jangling of Dadmobile keys doesn't really match up, does it?

Also, not sure it really works in Brighton (if you're straight, anyhow). Love to the kids and the missus. x