Thursday, March 10, 2011

Dubai stereotypes: Alpha Dad

Alpha Dad: phenomenal force of nature

Alpha Dad strides purposefully down the school corridors, leaving a plume of dust (and lesser parents) in his wake. The school receptionist winces and reaches for her Ray-Bans as he flashes his gleaming super-white teeth as he passes; a vision of corporate glamour with the soft morning light bouncing off the starched crispness of his bespoke Egyptian cotton shirt, she's not sure if she should feel overcome with lust... or fear.

Maximising each second of the school run to ensure peak efficiency, Alpha Dad barks orders into his Bluetooth headset at an unfortunate minion whilst simultaneously tapping out an email on his Blackberry and checking stock performance on the i-Phone. Little Johnny Jr trails behind his paternal powerhouse, still reeling from that morning's in-car pep talk.

A daily occurrence, Alpha Dad's morning lectures always leave Johnny slightly perplexed: how is it possible to 'seize the day'?; why would pulling his socks up help to make a man of him?; and, as he chews thoughtfully on his wholegrain sandwich with nutritious organic fillings at snack time, what does 'lunch is for wimps' actually mean?

After dropping Johnny off at his classroom door and a spot of intensive twinkling at the foxier mums, Alpha Dad roars off to the office in his Porsche 911 Black Edition, repeating self-affirming phrases to himself as he prepares to storm the citadel in his (self-titled) role as Dubai's premier 'NASDAQ Ninja'.

Least likely to say: "Taking adequate downtime is essential for whole-self growth and personal development. I simply couldn't get through the day without my morning yoga."
Most likely to say: "It's all about bucks, kid. The rest is conversation."

Despite the similarity in name, this stereotype is in no way related to Alpha Male, my very own trouble and strife; all characters appearing in this series are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.


Anonymous said...

love it! especially the Gordon Gecko quotes.

Sally - My Custard Pie said...

Now my children are at senior school I miss parent watching, especially Alpha Dad!

YEM said...

thanks anon, I'm rather fond of Mr Gecko.

Sally - you can come to our school any time you like and have a good old gawk. It's anthropology 101!

Mirdiff Mary said...

Oh no, my husband is Alpha Dad! I am so embrassed.

Great blog.

Andrew said...

if i get like this baby, you have permission to shoot me - downtime and ustime are vital!

safa slly said...

My huband aspires to be alpha dad - only a pot belly and a pajero hold him back!!

Wanda said...

great character, kate you made him come alive!

Anonymous said...

Oh dear, I have just associated myself with one of your stereotypes.

I was telling my son (on this morning's school run) that contrary to the Thomas the Tank Engine lyrics, it is not taking part that matters, it's winning.