mothers on the verge

Sugarmama made a good point to me in the comments that how much about our earlier teachers do we actually remember? I think she's right. And also right that having friends around is important. But then it got me thinking last night, as I was nursing my return to the living from a bout with food poisoning, and I realized I remember a lot about mine. And I really remembered the ones who didn't seem to jive with me. So here's to the teachers I do remember -- and loved: Preschool, Mrs. Grace: taught me how to draw my belly button on a picture. Let me feed our pet parrot birdseed. Called my mom when I told her that, "Mrs. Grace, I didn't come to school to work. I came to play." See? Already someone helping me from turning to the dark side. Kindergarten: Bad teacher. Don't remember her name. But she made me practice my letters all the time at my desk. Lame. And never paid attention to me. I remember that. 1st Grade: Mrs. Phillips. Had an awesome rug in the libra...

I don't understand why The Rabbit fights me on everything. So after this experience with her teacher, I actually did start to wonder. Was any of it true? I've been discovering, actually, that The Rabbit is doing stuff without telling anyone. Like reading. Like sounding out words. But she won't tell her teacher. AND SHE WILL BARELY SHOW ME. And when I ask her, she fights me, she walks away, she ignores me. I actually can barely stand it. It's not like I don't know the feeling. I remember when my parents had a teacher/parents conference and came home and said I should be reading harder books and decided I should start Pride and Prejudice. And so they bought it for me and told me to read it. And asked me. Every day. And every day I refused. Said I couldn't understand it. Said I hated it. Said it was too hard for me. BECAUSE I HATED THAT THEY WERE MAKING ME. So I get it. I really get it. Problem is, on the other side of the fence, I don't know what to do except ...

You know all those times when you're presented in life two paths: A hard one and an easier one? And both could make you happy? I've done my share of choosing between the two -- and have to say that I split the choices fairly evenly. Easy choices? Staying with The Prince and turning down big job offers in cities far away when we were dating. (Worked out? Yes with The Prince, career took a hit.) Hard choices? Moving back to New York from London after finally settling in, and wanting to really make a go of it in Europe. (Worked out? Career took off, had The Rabbit, endured many tough spots....) To me it seems like a question of choices that generate comfort, and choices that build character. And I want both. So here I am with The Rabbit's choices in my hand. Which is almost worse because who is to say I should be entrusted with choices for another person? The easy choice? Keep her at a school where she knows tons of kids, where she can sleep in later and walk there from home, ...

I'm feeling kind of dull at the moment which is why I haven't been on the blog much. I just don't have all that much to say. I could go on about how Alpha and I are starting to plan our new kitchen extension which we just got the planning permission through for, but I'm pretty confident that the dilemma of which colour units to go for is not going to generate much excitement in anyone but us. I could tell you about how hectic work has been but I'm kind of sick of grumbling about long hours and pissy clients. Yawn. Big. Fat. Yawn. I could talk about the kids, but you know, they're absolutely fine. It's all good bar a few tantrums and a current obsession for pulling their pants down and mooning anyone who walks into the house but I'm not going to sweat that right now (although if they're still doing it in five years then it might be an idea to address the issue). I could have a small rant about how rude people are in London, but that isn't anything...

Here we go. Feel free to steal this, which I know, I know, no one will because it is TOO LAME but I have to do it: List 5 things you are grateful for RIGHT NOW (without thinking) 1. The Rabbit's health 2. My health 3. The Prince's health 4. The fact we have a safe place to live and can sleep tonight. 5. The fact that my family is for the most part happy. List 5 things you would change about your situation RIGHT NOW (again without thinking) 1. Get the Rabbit into the school program where I want her. 2. Get this gig I know I would be AWESOME AT and start. 3. Get The Prince the dream job he so deserves. 4. STOP FEELING NUTS WHEN I GET SCARED. 5. Turn me into a permanent size 6 so my size 8 pants would never feel tight again. List 5 things you would change about your SELF, right now, without thinking. 1. Make me more calm. 2. Make me appreciate what I have. 3. Make me confident in my writing. 4. Make me NEVER lose my temper with the Rabbit. 5. Make my feet callous free. (Yes, lame,...

I can't say I'm back again. But I can say that if I don't write something in here soon my head truly will pop off. Main reason for absence: We still don't know where the Rabbit is going to school in 4 months. A continuation of Limbo courtesy of the New York City School System and I can't say I'm thrilled. I can say that I am sure it will work out, kind of like I am sure the sun will rise tomorrow morning because it has since the dinosaur age, but not because at this particular moment I believe that. (sidenote: There are a lot of other things as well, issues which I can't write about, and more boring things, but the kidlet situation is the one plaguing me the most.) The worst is I feel like I have become an unholy Manhattan Mama -- one of those revolting she-devils who runs around believing their child is special and why can't anyone recognize this. I have sickened myself, I know I am offending good people around me, and I just can't stop. It reminds...

Yes, I've been noticeably absent (and I promise a full explanation soon) but I wanted to wish everyone: Happy Mother's Day! Love, MM

Alpha and I have been trying to find a new sofa for ages and it has started to become an issue. If I find something I think is glorious, he hates it and vice versa. We have spent hours on the internet searching for the perfect thing to park our bums on at the end of each long day, and so far, not so good. We finally identify a sofa that just might possibly work for two people who have diametrically opposed ideas when it comes to interior design. Hurray! Finally we can get rid of the nasty 8-year old sofa which has (barely) survived too many parties and two children who like to spill liquids, smear chocolate and spread the contents of their nasal cavities on it while staring goggle-eyed at the box. So Bank Holiday weekend arrives and Alpha announces that it would be a really, really great idea to go to Thurrock Lakeside (to those not familiar with this great British shrine to conspicuous consumption, think retail hell x 325), pop into Ilva and then come home having placed an order for a...

I am totally ripe for a rebrand; say goodbye to Yummy London Mummy (although I hope you understand that was always ironic) because I have turned into an undeniably Crummy Mummy. Highlights of the week: - I went through an entire day of meetings blissfully unaware of the bright pink 'Well Done' smiley face sticker on my shirt and the three Disney Princess stickers on my bottom. And there I was, thinking my new client was merely a bit of a perv. - My new top-of-the-range steam generator iron broke. A catastrophe of mammoth proportions. Need I say more? - Related to the above, Firstborn has been packed off to school every day under strict instruction to keep her cardigan on At All Times to ensure nobody spots her crinkle-effect shirts (thankfully the rest of her school uniform is 100% polyester). - Again related to the above, I can no longer be picky with my wardrobe choices as it been narrowed down to 'crumpled' or 'not crumpled'. This has resulted in some very in...