Skip to main content

It's all about me

I admit it. I'm a vain woman. I have issues. I have neuroses. There are many unfortunate facets to my personality that I am too tired or busy or deluded or too plain lazy to try to fix. Plus, I've lived with them for thirty odd years and kind of got used them. If only Alpha Male could just accept, or even ignore, my less positive traits... it would make life much easier.

Things Alpha Male would like to change about me:

  • I have a confused relationship with the concept of time, especially when out shopping
  • I obsess about work
  • I think I'm right 98% of the time (see below)
  • I will only say "I'm sorry" if I believe I was truly in the wrong (see above)
  • I am quite selfish
  • I hate mornings and dislike any prolonged human interaction until I have had my eyes open for at least 40 minutes
  • I have an aversion to vacuuming, loading and unloading the dishwasher, changing bedlinen, cleaning shoes, mopping floors and dusting
  • I sleep heavily and often don't hear the kids bellowing in the middle of the night (Alpha thinks I'm faking but I'm not)
  • I can't resist a bargain, even if that bargain doesn't quite hold up to intense scrutiny
  • I can't remember telephone numbers, not even my own
  • I am incapable of taking a quick shower
  • I refuse to be loyal to one brand of washing powder and purchase according to my mood (apple blossom 2in1 with fab con when I'm upbeat, unscented non-bio when I'm grizzly)
  • I care about looking vaguely fashionable (rather than French, which to me is a little dull mixed with expensive, but to Alpha is the pinnacle to which all women should aspire)
  • The car only ever seems to break down when I'm driving it
  • I don't like putting my hair up or tying it back because it makes my ears cold (Alpha thinks that it's either to spite him or because I have a complex about my ears like one of his ex-girlfriends)
  • I can't read Alpha Male's mind

If I have to live with all this, then so can he.

And may I just point out that however heinous my crimes, not only has Alpha not had to purchase or gift wrap a present for anyone in his family for several years, he has also never run out of clean socks or underpants, has never had to hire or fire a nanny, has never had to arrange a playdate, organise a birthday party, or put away the children's laundry.

See, I'm not all bad.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Statistically, it is not possible for you to be right 98% of the time when I am right 99% of the time.
Heh.
5:37 am
Anonymous said…
French fashion - an oxymoron surely.
Chi-chi is more apt.
Stay English girl and have some fun.
6:26 pm
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Grim Reaper

Firstborn is obsessed with death. It started with the odd comment, such as; "Mummy, what happens when you die?" OK, I thought, I was expecting this at some point, what a cute little curious brain she has. So I trotted out all the cosy Heaven stuff and left out all the things that could worry her, such as worms and bones and holes in the ground. This went down pretty well, although somehow Firstborn made the jump from my view of Heaven (filled with love, joy, always warm, never rains, has a huge discount designer shoe outlet and I never have to pay my Visa bill) to her own view of Heaven; a wonderous place where small girls don't have to eat their vegetables before they're allowed pudding, and where Barbie dolls grow on trees. Anyway, I digress. Last week Firstborn started shouting "Kill! Kill!" in a bloodthirsty tone while bashing her hithero-beloved teddy against the wall. This was topped by her purposely flushing her favourite My Little Pony down the loo. ...
11 comments
gimme more...

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

A friend recently emailed me to say that her big memory of her stay with us last year is that she had a great birthday, one of the few where she didn't 'act like a spoiled grumpy princess'. She tried to give me all the credit but as I explained to her, it was all down to having a fellow female organising the birthday fun rather than leaving it to her partner. Her email got me thinking about birthdays and how very different men and women are in their attitudes to celebrating special occasions. It also had me thinking about my birthday two years ago when I threw a major tantrum in the Carrefour car-park after being told that we were off to do the weekly shop, kids in tow, which was simply the final straw at the end of a very uninspiring day. In contrast, my birthday last year was rather lovely (a morning on my own in a spa with no mobile coverage, pure selfish bliss). This year - in a few short months, eek! - I'll be hitting the grand old age of 38. This will be my las...
13 comments
gimme more...