Sunday, December 13, 2009

What would happen if men got pregnant?

1. Contraception would suddenly become 100% effective

2. The attention of all (male) scientists would shift from silly little diseases like H1N1 and HIV to more urgent matters, such as eradicating morning sickness, backache, swollen nipples and even more inconvenient nasties such as childbirth. Babies would be born by painlessly popping out of the male bellybutton within two minutes. Or even better, by being found under a gooseberry bush or delivered by a passing friendly stork

3. Until this happy day of scientific breakthrough arrives, men would retire to a special birthing chamber - upon confirmation of pregnancy until they are ready to give birth - to 'bravely' suffer though their ordeal with only the most basic of comforts: a Playstation, 50in plasma screen, mini-fridge full of alcohol-free lager and pizza delivery on speed-dial

4. Birthing classes such as the NCT and any birthing guru-type who demonstrates childbirth using a macramed pelvis would suddenly cease to exist.

5. Pushchairs would come with alloy wheels, leather handles and go-faster stripes with chrome bumpers optional. Jeremy Clarkson's popular 'Tot Gear' show, where he and the Hamster battle it out over the 0-60 closing speeds of various pushchair brands, will become compulsive lunchtime viewing for all first-time dads

Wow. Just imagine...


Anonymous said...

Dear YLM - you are SO right on this. And what an idea - Clarkson and Hamster on 'Tot Gear', not to mention May promoting 'Tot Toys'. Why didn't I think of that! Anyone got BBC on speed dial? I'm 0-60ing over there now!

Anonymous said...

OMG, this guy is hilarious! You were right, I nearly peed my pants laughing! Certainly a really bright funny morning. Thank you for that! :-)

YLM said...

Hi Anon, a pleasure.

leyla a. said...

If men could get pregnant, there would be no discussion whether or not abortion were moral or not. It would simply be and the legality would never be questioned.

Can you imagine if a product came on the market to sexually arouse women so they could have sex? Do you think it would have the same acceptance as Viagra? NO.