Tuesday, December 20, 2011

An overrated virtue

Being strong all the time is all very well. It certainly allows a person to salvage a remnant of pride and avoids the danger of attracting pity from other people.

But, as they say, pride often comes before a fall. And what's so wrong with being on the receiving end of a bit of pity now and then? Especially if your life isn't exactly turning out as you'd once hoped for.

I guess I need to accept this new reality and stop focusing on the potential outcomes. After all, the only thing we really have is right now, however rubbish it may be.

Despite all my prior protests, while change may be necessary and something which has to be embraced if life is to move forward, it is frightening. Having absolutely no idea as to what the future might hold is terrifying. Being strong is exhausting. The truth is that I'm struggling and the absolute opposite of whatever brave should be.

This isn't a ploy for sympathy - it just is what it is but even an amicable split is damned hard; I suppose I should be grateful as it could be a lot worse. I know that I won't always feel this raw, but right now it really feels as if the emotional avalanche has outstayed it's welcome.

Anyone else out there gone through something similar? What's next in terms of the emotional hangover? How long does it take to become comfortable with such a major life change? Please share.


A dad said...

Hello Kate

Yes, it's a difficult process and one that can be emotionally draining at times. I think you should expect that, and also assume that it will be something of a roller-coaster, with days that are good and other days that are less so. At least, that's my experience, and I know it's the experience of friends who have been down a similar path.

Focus on two things: why this has happened, because I doubt very much it's the result of a whim; and (more importantly) all those positive changes you'll be able to make in your life that will result in your happiness and fulfilment as a person/woman in your own right.

What's happening now is simply a process that will enable those changes to be realised.

Anonymous said...

The last 'commenter' said it all - and very well. All change is frightening and exciting. The future will be a combination of the good, the bad and the ugly - just like before. Up to you, Honey, how you deal with every eventuality. And remember what real friends are for.

Anonymous said...

18 years, 1 month, 20 days and I'm still waiting to get over it! Fortunately, I've managed to pack a complete, profitable and probably better life into that waiting period.

"Cast a cold eye -- on life, on death -- Horseman pass by." WBY

Anonymous said...

"Anyone else out there gone through something similar?"

Still going through it. The tale is too long and complicated. The short version is I have a severely autistic child who can be very violent and destructive. He also has a sleeping disorder which means he's often up ~2:00 for the day. My wife and I have been doing this for a decade and there is no end in sight. Sooner or later something has to give. I gave up being strong recently and have surrendered to reality.

"How long does it take to become comfortable with such a major life change?"

Depends on the change and its causes. Depends on you and what you're dealing with and who you have to support you. For me/us, it's and ongoing thing. Most of my friends couldn't handle or even understand my situation so they're mostly gone which is fine as I don't have much time for socializing anyway. For me, I find comfort and even joy in the small things. I have to.

When going through hell, keep going.

juicyfatkin said...

I have no experience to offer except some wise words from my Dad for difficult situations: always be true to yourself and don't be too proud to ask for help or a shoulder to cry on. We are all born with emotions to use not to hide.

Circles in the Sand said...

I'm wishing you lots of good things for 2012 - onwards and upwards. love Circles in the Sand x

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