Saturday, December 10, 2011

Life as I know it

My post on bravery seemed to strike a chord with a few people; I hope it helped some of you make a bit of sense of whatever difficult life situations you may be undergoing. Sometimes it's simply nice to know that you're not alone.

Carrying on in this vein, it is probably time for me to be more open about what's going on in my life. I have alluded to my situation but not felt comfortable enough to write the actual words on this blog prior to now.

Alpha and I split up some months back and we are now living apart on a permanent basis. Our main concern is that the kids get through as unscathed as possible - he and I are old enough to look after ourselves, to a certain extent - and so we have committed to friendship, and promised to stay rational, kind and adult in our interactions throughout the whole painful process. So far, we're doing pretty well... but even an amicable split is no picnic.

And yes, I did ask for Alpha's permission before I put this out there. As he said: "It is what it is. This is the new reality."

I'm not going to go into any detail - as I have said before on this blog, it's not entirely my story to tell.
What I can say though, is that when a relationship breaks down you can either opt to travel down the road of blame, vengeance, hatred and bitterness (spreading it to everyone else in your life and causing lasting damage) or you can try to let go gracefully with mutual respect and fondness... and hopefully emerge with a lasting friendship. The latter is perhaps a harder road initially but it certainly seems to be the best way for the long term.

Marriage is a veritable minefield. You go into it with blind faith and a lot of hope - some emerge intact, others don't make it. I guess that's just the luck of the draw.

So there you have it. This is my life right now. This is our life right now. This is the new reality.

Sometimes it sucks and sometimes it's ok. One thing I am sure of, at some point in the future I will look back and be thankful for the good years and the gift of our three daughters, and be able to make sense of it all. And we both hope, one day, to be able to look at our kids, smile and say: "We did a decent enough job, whatever the circumstances."

No blame. No anger. No pointless games. No regrets.


A dad said...

That was a brave post, Kate, and I thought a very open and honest one.

Such times always result in moments of anguish and self-doubt, but it's important to remember what's taken you down this path. There's no law that says that two people have to grow closer together over the years, and very often it's the case that we don't.

However, it's also as well to keep your mind's eye on the good times you shared too, and never let yourself believe that time spent in a relationship has been wasted. Every experience we have moulds us into the people we are now. And, most importantly, you have your children, who are now the primary reason for maintaining the lasting friendship you hope for.

It can be done, and I wish you both the very best of luck in achieving it. I'm sure you will.

Anonymous said...

Sory to hear this, Kate. Good luck.

Zuzana said...

Dear Kate,

Thank you very much. So honest...

Anonymous said...

As I am completely ignorant of UAE law, is this going to adversely affect your visa status?

Kate S. said...

Thanks for your wise and well considered words, A Dad.

And for the kind sentiment, Anon 1 and Zuzana.

Anon 2 - yes, in that once a couple are divorced one spouse can no longer sponsor the other (be that husband or wife) but it's not an insurmountable problem (thankfully, since I have no intention of packing up and going home... esp as I'm not even sure where 'home' is these days). Looking into the options at the moment, will let you know which one I/we opt for when the time comes.

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