Thursday, June 23, 2011

The Dubai Stereotypes Series: Desperate Dad

Desperate Dad, or DD as we'll call him (for the sake of convenience) is a sorry excuse for a man. A peacock who lost his glorious plumage many moons ago, he persists in proudly striding through the school corridors with the confident strut of a much younger fellow.

DDs burgeoning beer belly signals his approach, a prompt for the more attractive school mums to roll their eyes at each other before pasting on their most polite smiles. DD fondly imagines them to be half in love with his overwhelming masculinity and man-of-the-world demeanor; after all, don't women all secretly adore an older, more experienced chap who could treat them as a lady should be treated? (Look at Sean Connery - the man qualifies for a free bus pass and he's still beating them off with a stick!)

DD leans against the classroom door every morning, keeping one eye on Junior whilst stroking his balding pate in a way in which he fondly imagines makes him look both thoughtful and mysterious, the other eye engaged in surreptitiously checking out the winsome rear ends of the passing mothers. He's especially fond of a trim ankle and, by golly, these expat women certainly know how to make the best of themselves!

He thinks fondly of his first wife, Deidre, who was a bit of a looker in her day. But the passing of time was not kind to Deidre, he regretfully ponders, hence her speedy departure and replacement by the lissom Lalana (although, he grumbles to himself, Lalana's recent incessant demands for gifts from the Diamond Souk have made her much less of the young innocent she initially appeared to be, plus her home-made apple crumble simply isn't a patch on Deidre's).

Desperate Dad, poor man. A legend in his own lunchtime. A joke of his own making, yet he simply doesn't get the punchline...

Most likely to say: "Ladies! Hello! Looking as lovely as ever today, I must say. Indeed, a veritable feast for a starving man's eyes! Now, what's this I hear about an end of term outing to Ladies Night at the Westin next Tuesday?"
Least likely to say: "I'm really just a deeply insecure old rogue who chases women for the gratification of my own ego. My shrink and I are working it through, so there's hope for me yet."


Louise said...

Love it!

Anonymous said...

Deidre had a lucky escape!

Anonymous said...

Don't we all love a rogue though? Maybe not old ones with beer bellies!