Sunday, March 06, 2011

Dubai stereotypes: The Slummy Mummy

Slummy Mummy looks quite normal from the outside. You'd never know her shameful secret just by looking at her. But shameful it is, for Slummy Mummy is a bit of a slob with a range of shockingly bad habits.

SM has been known to wear her nightie for the school drop-off (cunningly disguised with a big cardi in the cooler months), and she lives in fear of being subject to a rogue gust of wind due to the aged state of her underwear. 

Common SM tricks are to colour in scuffed school shoes with a black permanent marker (she keeps one in her car for this very purpose), bash shop-bought cakes with a rolling pin to make them look home-made (always useful for last-minute bake sales), 'forget' to take her make-up off before bed so she doesn't have to bother to reapply in the morning (a q-tip and a spot of make-up remover makes quick work of panda-eye smudges) , and recycle the less appealing gifts received on her kid's birthdays for the endless stream of parties throughout the school year (yes, that is why she gave your 10-year-old that Dora the Explorer DVD box set last year).

Slummy Mummy's (SM) natural habitat is in the alley behind school just before pick-up, puffing away on an illicit ciggie; her handbag is stuffed full of things designed to hide the evidence, primarily teeth-whitening mints, breath spray and strong perfume, and her big worry is being outed by one of the cleaner-living mums who tut at her as they saunter past. Thursday afternoons are invariably spent on a mass playdate, otherwise known as 'Grape Thursday', where the mummies quaff a range of robust 'spritzers' while fondly watching the kiddies belt each other with whatever garden implements are closest to hand.

Most likely to say: "Anyone up for a play date this Thursday? I found a great cheeky little red at MMI over the weekend, it'll go beautifully with Kettle Chips."
Least likely to say: "Phew. I'm shattered after my 10k run this morning! Just off to cross-reference my filing cabinet."

6 comments:

Denise said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Denise said...

Love it, may be a bit too much truth in it

YEM said...

There's a bit of slummy in all of us, Denise. Don't you fret.

Claire said...

I love your blog! So funny!

mashhood said...

there stereotypes are really funny....

Anonymous said...

I love the illicit one in the alley!!