I'm in the library with Firstborn and the Small(er) One. This is a regular thing as I'm an unashamed bookworm and hey, we're in the middle of The Crunch so Waterstone's isn't looking like a good option right now.
But I think I may be flexing my Waterstones loyalty card more often in future. Why? Because something weird is happening to my children and I think there's a high probability we're not so welcome in the library anymore.
So, we're browsing the CD racks. Firstborn holds up some ghastly heavy metal CD with a bleeding Jesus emblazoned all over it. I wince. No, not likely, don't think we're taking that one home today, my love.
"No, darling. Put it back please."
"No, sweetie. Go look at the Sugababes CD's over there instead. Don't think you'd like that one. It's way too shouty."
"But Mummy, it's got Jesus on it! We have to get it!"
"Sweetie, you won't like it. It's not the sort of music you like."
"BUT MUMMY! IT'S GOT JESUS ON IT AND IF YOU DON'T LET ME GET IT THEN YOU DON'T LIKE JESUS AND THAT MEANS YOU'RE GOING TO HELL!"
"YES MUMMY, YOU HAVE TO GET ANYTHING WITH JESUS ON IT BECAUSE THAT MEANS YOU LOVE JESUS!"
"Erm, who says?"
"EVERYONE KNOWS YOU HAVE TO LOVE JESUS SO WE HAVE TO GET THIS CD BECAUSE IT HAS JESUS ON IT AND WE HAVE TO LOVE JESUS BECAUSE MY TEACHER SAYS SO!"
At this point various people start frowning and tutting in the direction of the evangelical child intruding on their lovely peace and quiet by spouting Catholic 101 at the top of her lungs. Then she falls on the floor, still clutching aforementioned CD, and writhes (possibly speaking in tongues, who knows?) on the floor in a frenzy of crossness. Child is scooped under one arm, other child grabbed by arm, and swept out In Shame from library premises.
Was sending them to Catholic school a Bad Idea? I am starting to wonder...