Saturday, September 20, 2008

Playground of the c'lebs

Kensington Gardens was awash with excitement this afternoon as word spread amongst the flicky-haired yummy mummy coven that a Celebrity Couple had been sighted. You'd have thought that it would barely merit an eye-twitch, used as we are to regular glipses of c'lebs; you can hardly walk down the road in Kensington these days without spotting the likes of Elle MacPherson peddling around on her bicycle or Michael Winner trotting from one restaurant to another.

But this was different.

This was a Proper Celebrity Couple pretending to be civilians - y'know, walking around with minimal pouting and posing, looking happy with their kid - and all without a bodyguard in sight. There they were, Paul Bettany and Jennifer Connolly, shamlessly mingling with the hoi polloi by the swings while an entire tribe of yummy mummies sucked in their stomachs.

A few mummies shamlessly scrabbled for their Lancome Juicy Tubes whilst fluffing up their flicks. The palpable tang of hormones-in-overdrive pervaded the air. A couple of daytrippers started to pull out their mobiles for a sneaky snap. Then, just as we thought we couldn't bear it any longer, the beautiful pair packed up their junk and walked out of the playground gates, arms entwined and kid in tow, back to their beautiful tinted-window Celebrity lives. Fifty or so Kensington residents exhaled en-masse and suddenly felt depressed.

Except for Alpha, who loudly proclaimed: "That Jennifer bird's a bit of all right, isn't she? No tits though. But what the hell are they doing, making their kid wear a pork pie hat? Poor little bugger looked like Pete Doherty!"

Isn't it sweet Alpha has managed to remain imprevious to the lure of celebrity? I truly believe he would rather read one of Lord Denning's lengthy tomes than flick through Heat. Astonishing, isn't it?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Astonishing - NO!!! No tits? Well, Alpha could pay for a boob job to turn her into Jordan. Paul Bettany? Well, he could push the 7 foot hunk over without looking at him as he heads for the Gorgeous Jennifer. The Kid in the pork pie hat? Well, his kid with Jennifer would be the most gorgeous kid in the playground and would never wear anything servicable or unattractive.
My dear YLM - men have to have their little fantasies - makes them feel better. It starts when they are toddlers and learn that they can pee in your eye when you change their nappy - and so rule the world. Sad but sweet really.
PS Where is your playground and have you seen that Jonathan Rees Meyers hottie passing by. We girls have our dreams too!