Wednesday, August 23, 2006

The redundant sex?

I fear for the future of one half of the human race. Men's traditional role as sperm and money bank is under attack from all sides (although I'm sure you can guess which of my accounts gets the most use these days) and our place in society is looking more and more tenuous. Many err factors are conspiring so that within a couple of generations we will be on the trash heap just like last seasons' shoes or handbag. Whilst there may be a residual role for men as glorified dildoes - not needing batteries we are more environmentally friendly and cheaper if you discount the cost of beer - many of us won't meet the grade and will be cast out into the wilderness of celibacy and ginger birds. Gays will probably thrive as women will still need arm candy and someone to bore with stories of shopping, relationships (if such things still exist) and how their best friend is such a bitch etc. So what's feeding my paranoia?

1. Women can now fertilise their eggs and 'conceive' without the need for any male 'input' thanks to the wonders of modern genetic science and other black arts;

2. Women are taking over the world (see New Zealand) with their love of rules and regulations, lack of humour and general officiousness (is this a word?);

3. err....

And who is behind this conspiracy? My sources tell me that it is an evil conglomerate of retail giants desperate to increase square footage and any other measures of floor space in shopping malls, department stores and high-street outlets (these don't exist in the States see the following link for a typical English high street retail experience ) accross the globe dedicated to female apparel (and shoes and handbags) currently being taken up by mens' clothes. Because (straight) men don't replace their whole wardrobe every season corporate profits are not being maximised in the retail space. For the fat-cats in the oak-clad boardrooms the answer is simple. Eliminate men. They are a waste of retail space.


Mad Mom said...

You are so right. I'm off to buy more shoes.

Yummy London Mummy said...

Hmmm. Interesting angle. Although if you could only see how many pairs of shoes Alpha Male has on his side of the puts me to shame.