Sunday, August 20, 2006

The Male Member Speaks: Kicking and screaming

Surprisingly, the only kicking and screaming in the home today was the sound of me being dragged reluctantly to the laptop as a 'guest' of this blog. More like a bloody hostage. Someone call the police, I'm being held against my will!

Oh well. I suppose that it will be a valuable opportunity for me to correct some of the libellous bile that has been spewed about me for the last 12 months. Actually, that would take more than a week to complete so I'll just have to do what I can to salvage some reputation.

I guess I had better start by introducing myself. My name is 'alphamale' and I'm a father of two and husband of one. My name makes me sound like a cross between Victorian dad and the Incredible Hulk but in fact I'm just another down-trodden, emasculated father, so typical of our times. I am a mere sperm and money bank but more on that later. I live in London - without doubt the best city in the world starting with 'L' and I am still recovering from having two little girls in 18 months. They kind of sleep through now and I am slowly beginning to feel human again.

In the 4 years since Firstborn arrived I have left my (lucrative) job in the City, been travelling round the world, went back to university, had a second child (actually, I think my wife had it but in the post-baby sleep vacuum we forgot who actually gave birth), re-trained as a lawyer and had a sex change (maybe I dreamed that one). Sometimes I fantasise that I am 25 again, go out every night of the week, am racing like blood through the veins of this great city drinking and shagging and can spend all weekend sleeping off hangovers. Sometimes. But most of the time I am desperately in love with my girls and can't think of anything else.

I will try to abide by the rules of the blog this week and not upset any readers. In this very short snippet of my life I will also try to impart some sense of what it's like being a dad in the post-feminist, post-morality age. If I do offend anyone, which I seem to have a habit of doing (ask my wife) I apologise.

Yo! The Prince - you da man!


Jill said...

Aw, that's nice. My husband recently responded to a blog post that asked the question "what was the best time of your life" with the answer "when I was 22." That led to a short discussion I titled "arrested development and why it is bad." Glad you and YLM have better things to discuss.

Anonymous said...

grow up you big knob