Today I'm going after the mamas who feel they need to tell me what a rotten crap head I am for not having Baby Numero Due.
Let's start with the C-section No. 2 -- which, if it weren't almost certain for me (for various safety reasons that, no, have nothing to do with my being worried about peeing uncontrollably for the rest of my life) I would probably feel less stressed out about it. But the idea of getting pregnant, and knowing I have to enter an operating room, need to have another needle enter my spinal cord (paralysis anyone?), must have my body cut open, morphine IV flowing, and surgical staples planted into skin makes me very nervous. Then spend 2 weeks not able to walk well, unable to pick up my baby, and have drugs coarsing through my body while trying to nurse. Sure I can try to go without a scheduled C -- and have an emergency C should my scars, belly, uterus rip open in the midst of labor. Sounds lovely -- right?
Then of course there's the whole work element which while I absolutely love and want to do -- is also not a choice I can actually give up. Even with that there's no full-time nanny in the budget and so the thought of trying to make deadline again on 3 hours of sleep is overwhelming.
And truthfully I am getting damned tired of being labeled a failure for having one child: Failing my daughter for not supplying her with a sibling. Failing my husband for not supplying him with his longed for multiple children. Failing myself for not being a proper woman and pumping out babies during these years and clearly making this choice because of some damned vanity.
How about the success of having a lovely healthy happy child, and being able to devote time to her in the way that I want?
I've never been very fond of groups trying to pull me into their way of thinking. Lately it's been quite clear that having one child -- riding some fence, it appears to most -- makes me an outcast to those who remain childless, and an outcast to those who have two children or more. Like I won't decide which political party to vote for, decide if I believe in God, or decide if I think skinny jeans are hot or some new joke from the fashion industry.
I am happy to hear of others experiences -- but as for the proselytizing? Keep it to yourself.