Firstborn has turned into a teenager.
She doesn't want to get up in the morning. She is in full-scale rebellion against her (quite reasonable, I think) 8pm bedtime. She wants to wear lipstick. She keeps trying to sneak out of the house wearing my high heels. She is desperate for her 'boobies' to grow. She tells me she can't wait until she's eighteen when she'll be The Boss. She won't leave the house unless her toenails are lacquered. She has a 'wardrobe crisis' every morning. When she doesn't get her way she runs sobbing to her room and throws herself onto the bed in anguish. She could quite happily spend hours on the phone giggling with her cousin. And her favorite song is 'Crazy' by Gnarls Barkeley.
Yeah, I know, this all sounds quite normal for a teen. But the problem is that Firstborn is still (thankfully) most definitely pre-pubescent. In fact, the child has just turned four.
I know they say that kids are growing up much quicker these days, but this is ridiculous.
What's next? What happens when she turns five? Clubbing? Boys? Alcopops binges? Rehab?
I can feel a case of the Mommy Fear coming on. I'm off to lie down in a darkened room for a couple of decades.
Can someone let me know when my children turn into civilised human beings? And until that glorious day arrives, please take note of the Do Not Disturb sign fixed firmly on my bedroom door.