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Finding Me

I had a revolutionary day last week — went shopping for 3 hours ALONE. No Rabbit, no Prince. No deadline to get back – just me, a badly abused credit card and Century 21, the Mecca of all things discounted, designer and delightful.

The occasion? The Prince and I are off to a Black Tie affair Monday night. Believe me, this is not a usual state of things. In fact, when I finally got dressed in the outfit I thought I would wear I felt I should be attending someone’s wedding. Not exactly poofy and meringuey but definitely not sleek. Which was the reason for the shopping trip.

I had few expectations. Few positive ones that is — I feel that when the Rabbit was pulled from my body, my self-identity was yanked out as well. And while the Rabbit was handed over to me, I suspect they tossed whatever it was that defined me out along with the gauze pads and sterile sheets. For the last three years I have stumbled through my wardrobe. Of course many things no longer fit me – not that they’re the wrong size, which some are, but more like they just don’t fit me. Whoever the woman that entered the hospital 3 years ago was, she’s gone now.

I keep buying strange clothes: A pair of purple pants come to mind as an especially frightening purchase. As was jean skirt from APC that made me look like sausage casing. Ah, and the pink and white Adidas slip ons that looked like clown attire….. When I wrote before that I wear a usual outfit of dark jeans and black boots — I mean that. Practically everyday.

So imagine my surprise when I found many MANY items at Century that seemed to, well, fit. A long, sexy scarf that wrapped around my neck, and danced behind me evoking Sofia Loren, a brown wool sweater wrap with a simple trim of brown sequins that made me feel like a coy chanteuse, and a pair of black satin heels that made me feel tall, independent, and, finally, me.

I don’t expect this was a magic pill moment. And yes, I am sitting here now in my jeans and black sweater. Still, I have a small bit of hope. I know clothes don’t make the woman. But maybe they’re a bit like those magic crumbs tossed out by Hansel and Gretel. If I’m very lucky, maybe they’ll help me find my way home to me.
Now I just need some nice coupons!


MM - sounds fabulous. I say if you find a label that fits you without any tweaking, stick with it - every brand seems to cut for a different shape of woman. And don't be so hard on yourself, I know what you look like and take it from me, you're gorgeous.
Have a great party! Look forward to hearing all about it (when the hangover recedes...) :-)
Well done on finding things that make you feel sexy! Isn't it amazing how gorgeous brown looks as evening wear now?
We went to a black tie 40th a couple of months ago and I felt divine for the first time in years. Makes me think we should do it more often!
Kristin said…
After the birth of my daughter 7 months ago (baby number 2) I was also suffering from a clothing crisis. I had pants that fit improperly, bras and undies that were stretched and torn, and a total lack of enthusiasm for getting dressed in the morning.

So, in November I went through a closet-purging and shopping-spree that made my husband's head spin. The Salvation Army is very happy with me.

While shopping I learned a couple of lessons. Clothing should be fun. Embrace the colors and fabrics that give you pleasure. Don't be afraid of bright colors (I'm loving pink). And don't be afraid to mix and match pieces from Talbots with those from the Gap and Target. And, when asked, always ask for gift certificates from friends and family. Helps prolong the joy without the painful credit card bill!

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