Skip to main content

Mummy is a wuss

Alpha, the kids and I went off to sample the myriad delights of Dreamland Aqua Park yesterday, along with our chums Mr & Mrs R and Little M.

It was a smorgasbord of fun, an outing of exceptional enjoyment...except for the fact that I am petrified of being under water and not terribly keen on enclosed spaces. There I was, trying my best to be one of the gang - all of whom are dare-devils par excellence and hell-bent on pumping up the adrenaline levels to the max by flinging themselves down scary watery tubes with scant regard for life or limb - but all I achieved was a full exposure of my Class A wussy-ness.

The Family Raft Ride was a hoot (my face remained totally dry throughout, plus I had nice firm handles to cling to), the lazy Dream Stream was a relaxing meander down a waterway with the Small(er) One perched on my lap, even the bigg-ish slides which you go down on a rubber ring was OK... but after that I failed miserably.

Alpha, in a misguided attempt to divert me from a lifetime of cowardice, decided that I needed to earn my water park stripes. It was all going fairly well on the reasonably tame Slide 5 (which the kids were zooming down happily) until I was tipped off the rubber ring at the bottom, went a*se over t*t into the water and, in my major panic, forgot that humans can't breathe H20. Cue a waterlogged and spluttering mummy having to be pulled out of the water before being taken off for a nice relaxing Marlboro Light and a lie-down by the pool. 

Being a determined man, Alpha then decided I would love the Black Hole as it involves minimal water, plus I could share a rubber ring thing with him (and so feel safe, or that was the theory). He was wrong.

Think a pitch black enclosed tube with a near-vertical initial drop (or so it felt) then a series of very fast twists and turns before being spat out into water at the end. OK, so I didn't come anywhere close to drowning but I was so scared that I started to cry. I had found my own personal version of Hell.

My mortification was compounded when Firstborn went down the same ride several times and announced it "cool" and "not that scary". Then she totally trumped me by going on the Twisting Dragons (which made me want to be sick just looking at it). Even the Small(er) One went on rides that I was barely brave enough to look at.

Am I destined to remain a water-park wallflower until the end of my days? Or is there some kind of cure? All advice appreciated...


Comments

Anonymous said…
Water Park Wallflowers Rule OK! Who the f*?& wants to risk life and limb in black holes and have a bad hair day. Enough is enough YLM. Send your adrenaline junkie family off down the Twisting Dragon and Black Holes of their desire (need?) and relax with a good book. For some of us, a vivid imagination is sufficient.
Anonymous said…
Hi YLM, I have a possible solution. Have you heard about NLP? It is truly wonderful, you can sort out many things by its techniques. I recommend you find a competent NLP practitioner, I don't know if there are any in Dubai, but you can try. The technique is called Fast Phobia Cure. You can get rid of a phobia within 30 minutes, it's very simple and effective! I googled it to show you and this description seems ok http://www.ppimk.com/nlp-techniques/Fast-Phobia-Cure.html I witnessed it myself in action and it is really that easy. This technique simply scrambles the process of phobia you are running in your head. I urge you to try it. By the way, as I was reading about daughter having dyslexia a few days ago, I reckon NLP is really good for that too! I might be a bit bias because I am practitioner myself, but if you don't believe, do a bit of reading, there's a lot of stuff on the internet and then you can make up your mind :-) Oh and I really like your blog, it's very entertaining! Best of luck.

L.
Anonymous said…
Some call any fear a 'phobia'! Some just call it common sense. Why terrify yourself with BLACK HOLES and TWISTING DRAGONS. The Ancients avoided such things in order to survive. NLP is a business tool - keep it in the Boardroom please.
Anonymous said…
Well, NLP is not just for business. Do a bit of reading around and you will see.

Popular posts from this blog

Apologies for being incommunicado this week and hope none of you out there are too distraught not to be receiving the usual almost-daily MotV missives. The reason for the silence is that I'm up to my neck, metaphorically-speaking, in research papers for my first grad course assessment. This experience has made me realise how rigorously un-academic I am in my thinking. It has also illuminated how reliant I am on red wine in order to get through endless evenings typing furiously on my laptop, not to mention the fueling of increasingly colorful curses that I feel obliged to aim at the University's online library system which consistently refuses to spit out any of the journals I'm desperate for (I refuse to believe this is 100% due to my technical incompetence...)Oh well, if this is the price one has to pay in order to realize a long-cherished dream then it's not all that bad... No one ever said a mid-life career change would be easy. Wish me luck!

Recommended & the Mahiki dance-off

My GFs and I went to Mahiki last night, great fun as usual but made me feel a bit old; it seems that Thursday night is the playground of the just-past-pubescent. Oh well. Good tunes though, so whatever.In between taking over the dancefloor - the youngsters may have youth on their side but frankly that shrinks to insignificance in the face of two decades of clubbing experience - one of my GFs and I got into a conversation about why so many people are full of bull.It appears that many people we come across are content to live their lives in a superficial way, skimming the surface of what life has to offer and equating the ownership of stuff (cars, houses, boats, jewelry, designer clothes) with happiness. They converse in terms of status, strut their possessions as a measure of their own self-worth, take themselves far too seriously, are quick to judge others, easily annoyed, complain a lot about very little and their worries seem to far outweigh their joys. Personally, I think all that…

Champix

Following on from the realisation that my lungs are filthy and if I don't give up the smokes soon I face a life of wheezing at best, off I trotted to see the charming Dr T.

Dr T, who's charming by virtue of the fact that he's less jaded than the other doctors in the surgery (in other words, he treats patients as if they're human beings with a right to NHS services rather than annoying fraudsters trying to gain sympathy for imaginary illnesses) promptly put me on potentially habit-forming drugs to get me off the evil weed. Something doesn't feel quite right about this but since I'm so pathetically grateful to have a doctor who's willing to give me more than two seconds of his precious time, I have acquiesced to his demands.

Anyway, this wonder drug is called Champix and promises to have me merrily chucking my smokes in the bin in no time. Or it will if I can get past the possible side effects, the highlights being abnormal dreams, nausea, flatulence, snoring, …