Saturday, January 10, 2009

The things I do that are rubbish

1. Organising things into careful piles with the intention of filing/ putting them away. Then stumbling across the same piles two months later.

2. Never taking my mascara off before I go to bed.

3. Eating chocolate for breakfast.

4. Believing the kids when they say they tell me they don't have any homework. Even though you can bet on them announcing as we leave for school the next morning that they've 'just remembered' the really important homework due in that day, or worse, the test they should have prepared for. Cue tears and general hysteria (adults and children).

5. Lazily neglecting the removal of body hair during the winter months. Then feeling offended when Alpha addresses me as 'Brian'.

6. Obsessing about my wrinkles but doing nothing to combat the ravages of time (i.e. stopping smoking, wearing SPF at all times, taking a trip to Harley Street, stuffing myself with antioxidants).

7. Forgetting important birthdays because I'm a half-wit and don't know what day or date it is 50% of the time (sorry mum...).

8. Accusing the children/ Alpha/ the nanny of mislaying things, then finding said article exactly where I last left it.

9. Exacting secret revenge on people who are rude to me inside my head while my face sports a rictus grin. The stress of being middle class (i.e. relentlessly stiff upper lipped and polite to a fault) is sure to give me an ulcer.

10. Snoring. Like a warthog, according to Alpha.

Oh dear.


sarah said...

guilty of #s 1, 2, 3, 5 & 7.

Anonymous said...

You are not rubbish YLM. You are normal - and getting by. BUT - never believe your kids about ANYTHING, never forget your Mother's birthday (one day that will be you!), cultivate the art of the subtle putdown to save yourself an ulcer, and, most importantly, comment on the increase in man boobs while staring at Alpha's chest...