Nothing like spending the better part of my weekend washing everything we owned in hot water, bagging up stuffed animals, and destroying my hair and my daughter's. Oh yes. It's THE LICE.
So, Friday the FOURTH child got sent home from The Rabbit's class (four. F-O-U-R.) with lice. I have not had any experience before with these disgusting creatures. Allegedly, they have grown extremely virulent in the past decade as earlier generations went to town on the them with pesticides. Guess what that did? MADE THEM RESISTANT. Whoo hoo.
So what does this mean? Anyone is up for grabs. In my last 48 hours of insanity I have discovered this:
1. Anyone can get them. It has nothing to do with being clean, dirty. Just unlucky.
2. Members of my extended family apparently have battled this recently.
3. Just the thought of them can make you itch. (Watch, you're doing it right now.)
4. They're not even dangerous. Just really really gross. (seriously, they don't carry disease. Just hang out and party. On your blood.)
5. People get loony when they think there's lice around. (I'm the poster child of this.)
6. Schools want you to put malathion on your child's hair to remove it. Remember that stuff?
7. They love all weather. Cold, hot. Equal opportunity parasites.
8. Trying to use a lice comb in thick curly hair should be a torture method listed in the Geneva Convention.
9. Drinking copious amounts of alcohol while using said comb on a child DOES NOT HELP sadly.
10. We're lice-free.
But number ten does not mean I feel any sense of relief. Apparently according to my family member, we're actually bound to get it at some point if in fact it's raging around The Rabbit's class. And our only defense is to check daily, comb daily, wash everything all the time. And try not to panic. Okay. Right. Little insects might be attaching themselves to our hair. Biting us. Laying microscopic eggs. And I can't get upset. It's like the dealing with the Bush presidency all over again.