It's only been a few weeks and already I am haggard and exhausted. As I type a small child is literally hanging off my arm and shouting a progressively violent array of threats at me... oh, and now has resorted to pinching. The other one is wailing in the garden while an assortment of cousins alternately taunt, bellow, scream and holler. They're just being children, but frankly, normal childlike behaviour could try the patience of a saint.
Some important questions:
1. Why do all children suffer from selective deafness? Unless they hear the word "sweets" mentioned of course, which could be a whisper uttered 10m away but somehow always registers...
2. At what age exactly does the show-off gene come into play?
3. Why do all children act as if they are future City workers-in-training - where the bullies always rise to the top and those who shout loudest end up ruling the world?
4. Why do children misunderstand the meaning of the word NO? Is this really universally recognised as the opening gambit for protracted negotiations?
5. Why do children always bellow even louder than usual when you're on the phone (or indeed doing anything that obviously doesn't include them)
6. Why do children fail to see the need to a) flush the loo b) pick up their toys c) wipe up spilt milk or other fluids d) say thank-you without being fixed by the parental baselisk glare
Think I'm looking forward to going back to work...