B*llocks to all that special parent-child one-on-one time nonsense. All children really want during the summer holidays are a brace of cousins to go crazy with (and to egg on to even greater forms of uncivilised behaviour) and a posse of slaves to deliver approved snacks (chocolate, ice-cream, biscuits, nothing green) on the hour, every hour.
Examples of uncivilised behaviour experienced at Chateau On The Verge this summer:
1) Two of said brace discovering my fake tan supply and applying it liberally. Firstborn is still sporting a fine pair of orange eyebrows.
2) Fighting with large sticks. 'Nuff said.
3) Pulling all my clothes from their hangers and using them to make a nest in the bottom of the wardrobe. My Marc Jacobs sundress will never look the same again.
4) The utterance of "You're not in my club" and "You're a stupid-head" by one of the cousins (whoever happens to be at the top of the pecking order at the time), followed by outraged bellowing from the unlucky recipient of the insult. At LEAST twenty times per day.
5) The Small(er) One and similar sized cousin being pursued across the ploughed fields as they attempted to make a break for the woods, cackling as they ran, with mummies in hot pursuit. The reason for the escape attempt? "But we're going on a bear hunt (sob)!"
6) Liberal pinching, hair-pulling and, in some cases, biting. Firstborn has a bruise in the shape of the Small(er) One's teeth on her forearm. The Small(er) One has a bald patch.
I'm sure there's more but not sure I can bear to think about it. Anyone know if the Priory takes BUPA?