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Note to self

Never hire a builder who can't speak English.

Example:

Alpha: "Can you make sure to close off the live wire sticking out of the bathroom wall before you finish today?"
Builder: "Yeah yeah. OK."

Three hours later.

Builder: "OK. I go now. See you."
Alpha: "Did you close off the live wire?"
Builder: "Yeah yeah. All good."
(Alpha goes in to bathroom to check, emerges with face like thunder)
Alpha: "The live wire is still sticking out of the wall. What happened?"
Builder: "Yeah yeah. Is fine."
Alpha: "No, it's not fine. The live wire is sticking out of the wall."
Builder: "Is fine."
Alpha: "No, it's not fine. It's dangerous."
Builder: "You shut door. No go in. No problem."
Alpha: "I don't think you understand. I asked you to shut off the live wire. It's dangerous. The kids could get in there and be seriously hurt."
Builder: "You shut door. OK?"
Alpha: "I really don't think you get what I'm saying. I want you to make the live wire sticking out of the wall safe before you go. So that nobody gets hurt (mimes person experiencing electric shock). OK?"
Builder: "Yeah yeah ok. You shut door, all safe. I go now."

Cue shocking language from Alpha.

Firstborn whispers in my ear: "Mummy, what does 'F*ck' mean?"

This is really not going to plan.

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