- Some women seem to glide through life, elegant to the bitter end, whereas I hobble, slide and stumble?
- My hair is invariably a cloud of frizz, while others sport a sleek waterfall of glossy silken strands?
- My under-eye bags dominate my blotchy face but others are smooth and well-rested with a peachy visage (and not a hint of hastily bleached fuzz)?
- My shoes are always scuffed and down at heel, while others are well-shod and gleaming of toe?
- My feet revert to their natural hobbit-like state a few days after a pedicure, while other women's feet appear to have been air-brushed (at all times)?
- My sweaters collect lint like other women collect smooth fine quality cashmere, probably carefully folded, colour coded and stored in hard crafted wardrobes made from sustainable cedar wood?
- My children's faces tend to be smeared with snot and breakfast throughout the day (even, bafflingly, after their faces have been wiped) topped by dragged-through-a-hedge-backwards hair (even, oddly, immediately after a thorough brushing and application of hair clips) while other children arrive at school looking immaculate?
Where am I going wrong?