Saturday, January 19, 2008

January blues?

I'm not sure if it's just a case of the dreaded January blues but I am seriously lacking in lustre. In fact, I am so lacking in motivation that it's starting to worry me.

What usually carries me through life is a fierce desire to succeed. Such is my desire to rule the world in some form or another (or at least to be better than most people in my immediate vicinity) that I am usually prepared to put up with any amount of shit to get to my ultimate goal (although if I am frank I am not entirely sure what that goal is apart from earning lots of money and being admired by all and sundry).

But in the past few months I seem to have undergone a radical shift in perception. I am no longer overwhelmed by the need to be the best at work. I am increasingly haunted by the spectre of being a lousy mother - I am very much aware that becoming the next Lynne Franks (albeit a less hippy tree-hugging version of her) is not entirely in line with a happy family life. I fear that my children's childhood memories will be of doing fun stuff with their nanny and their memories of me will be primarily that I usually managed to get home just in time to give them a good-night kiss when they were drowsy with sleep.

While I draw the line at becoming a full-time housewife (not that there is anything wrong with this, it's just not for me), I am planning to dedicate 2008 to my search for a solution - one that allows me to be with my children while working just enough to keep my brain from atrophying.

All suggestions welcome...

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