I am in the midst of a dilemma. Admittedly, it's not much of a dilemma in the great scheme of things, nor is it causing me much in the way of sleepless nights (that honour goes to Alpha's snoring alongside the noctural adventures of the Small(er) One) but it is a dilemma nontheless.
It's about jeans, you see.
For years now I have been quite happy with basic Gap jeans. They are fairly cheap, come in a bigger range of styles, colours and sizes than anywhere else I can think of on the high street, and there are Gap stores everywhere, making a new purchase simple and fast. But recently my head is slowly but irreversibly being turned by all those swanky so-called designer jeans that have landed with a bang over the past few years - Seven, Citizens Of Humanity, True Religion, Sass & Bide, J Brand... ooh the list goes on and on and on...
But the problem is that the very idea of paying between £150 and £200 for a pair of jeans seems somewhat decadent. There is, I think, something quite wrong about spending that amount of hard cash on a piece of clothing that is, frankly, very basic.
But still, in idle daydream moments I strut gorgeously across the landscape of my life with my rear clad in expensive denim. Funnily enough I also seem to have morphed into Elle Macpherson (if you knew me you would realise how utterly ridiculous this particular fantasy is - for a start I'm still knee-high to a grasshopper).
I haven't even tried a pair on, partly because I'm worried that if I do I will be spoiled for anything else. I spy babes in high-maintenance denim everywhere and they always look slightly smug. Is it that these jeans all have miraculous bottom-lifting and leg-lengthening properties, or is it just that the women I notice wearing them have naturally pert derrieres and gazelle-like pins?
As I said it's a dilemma. The only solution is to bite the bullet, accept that I am a shallow and irredeemably sad individual, possibly in the midst of a mid-life crisis, and try a pair of the darned things on. Frankly, if £150+ makes my 30-something butt look like a teenager's and my stumpy legs resemble anything like Elle's then it's money well spent.
The next issue will be how to hide the credit card bill from Alpha. Now that is a proper dilemma.