What is it with Crocs? Has everyone in the world gone insane or am I just missing some crucial fashion point? Does my dislike of these plastic monstrosities mark me out as a member of the Fashion Clueless, or is this a case of the Emperor's New Clothes?
But come on... why the hell would anyone want to slip their feet into a clumpy, lumpy piece of (usually) blindingly-coloured plastic, a kiddie-cartoon-on-acid version of traditional Dutch footwear? Yep, I'm sure they are comfortable. I've been told that they don't make your feet sweaty due to their cunningly placed holes (not exactly waterproof though, huh?). I guess they could even pass as quasi-cute in a kind of Paris Hilton way, i.e. if you squint really hard and/or have just gone crazy with the vodka shots - but with the same end result of overwhelming nausea.
I just don't get it. Quite normal people clump about in these horrors without the grace to even look slightly embarrassed. Entire families are often seen wearing them - Mum, Dad, tweens and toddlers (why, oh why would you want to inflict them on your innocent unsuspecting child, even if they do come in blindingly-Barbie pink?). Attractive females sport the things without seeming to realise that they do not 'make' any outfit (except possibly a Tellytubby suit).
I'm sure there is some witty angle on these ghastly things, something along the same lines as flying ducks and garden gnomes (so naff they're cool) but I'm afraid it leaves me baffled.
The final straw came when Alpha, who has not a clue about fashion nor could he care less, admired the zingy orange pair being shamelessly flaunted by a friend. "They're great," he gushed in an admiring fashion usually reserved for when Chelsea scores. "I'd love a pair." I was about to start Googling divorce lawyers when he redeemed himself by explaining that they are just what he needs for gardening.
I think I rest my case.