mothers on the verge

Alpha, the kids and I are about to embark upon a no doubt torturous expedition to Normandy, where we are staying in the 'Christmas Castle' (as dubbed by Firstborn) with about 30m members of Alpha's clan. Wish me luck. We will either still be on the M25 come Christmas Day (today's headlines: 'Freezing Fog Causes Travel Chaos!) or the alternative scenario is that we will actually get there but I will have to go sit in a dark room for the rest of the holidays due to an overload of childish tantrums en route. We shall see. But to all of you, we wish you a very Merry Christmas and we'll be back before the New Year. xxx

Firstborn was Mary in the school nativity play this year. To say I was proud would be an understatement. How the maternal busom swelled with joy upon hearing of Firstborn's moment of glory! My mother has always claimed, practically from the very moment Firstborn emerged pink, wrinkly and outraged, that she was set for stardom. As Firstborn made her first wobbly steps and threw her first tantrum (of many), she was destined for RADA (none of that starlet and gratuitous nudity stuff for her first grandchild, it would be a glittering career treading the boards and rave reviews in the broadsheets at the very least). At last! Here was proof that my mother was right! Firstborn still of such tender years, and yet already her future career was unfolding... That is, until Firstborn's very sweet teacher took me to one side before class started one morning. She explained that she had cast Firstborn as Mary in order to boost her confidence - Firstborn, it seems, is very shy and reluctant to...

I admit it. I'm a vain woman. I have issues. I have neuroses. There are many unfortunate facets to my personality that I am too tired or busy or deluded or too plain lazy to try to fix. Plus, I've lived with them for thirty odd years and kind of got used them. If only Alpha Male could just accept, or even ignore, my less positive traits... it would make life much easier. Things Alpha Male would like to change about me: I have a confused relationship with the concept of time, especially when out shopping I obsess about work I think I'm right 98% of the time (see below) I will only say "I'm sorry" if I believe I was truly in the wrong (see above) I am quite selfish I hate mornings and dislike any prolonged human interaction until I have had my eyes open for at least 40 minutes I have an aversion to vacuuming, loading and unloading the dishwasher, changing bedlinen, cleaning shoes, mopping floors and dusting I sleep heavily and often don't hear the kids bello...