Thursday, June 22, 2006

Rules for Being a Manhattan Mama

1. When bike riders and peds bark, "Excuse me!" as you knock into them with your puke-stained stroller, don't even turn your head. It makes them think you can be intimidated -- or give a shit.

2. Take your rabbit everywhere -- but remove her within nanoseconds of a melt-down. (Even Manhattan Mama's hate bratty rabbits).

3. Do not pay the nanny to stand in line over-night for a top spot at a competitive nursery school. For God's sake wait until kindergarten.

4. Get your Rabbit acquainted with 2-3 cafe's in your neighborhood. Tell her this is Mama's playroom.

5. Rabbits in designer baby clothes grow up to be Plum Sykes. Avoid.

6. Mama's who ramble endlessly about homeschooling/organic blueberries/the wonders of their Brooklyn Brownstone may be (s)mothers in disguise. Run.

7. Adults who ask what your rabbit's name is, deserve getting a tongue stuck out at them. Do not apologize. This is Gotham. Give out our name????

8. Take-out noodles count as dinner. Take-out dumplings count as dinner. Take-out counts as dinner.

9. Fruit snacks dropped on the subway car floor, stay on the subway car floor.

10. Please. Get a pedicure, get a babysitter, grab your Prince and go out for a margarita. Straight up. No salt. Really. Manhattan Mamas need some airing out too.


Emily said...

No 5! Haha. I was sent her latest book. It was dire and you knew she was modelling one of the characters on herself. Terrible!

Yummy London Mummy said...

What is the big deal about Plum? The books are terrible, she's not overloaded with personality and yet she is feted as some kind of wunderkind? I don't get it myself, but maybe I'm just jealous of the glossy hair/ fancy wardrobe combo.

Manhattan Mama said...

I know, isn't she kind of actually extremely "unfashionable?" I don't get it either -- but I wouldn't turn down a two-book deal and a contributing editor spot in Vogue either.

Emily said...

I think it is WHO you know. Opens a world of doors, even if you are so sugar-sweet you write books that turn people's stomach's!

I've linked to this post on my blog and come up with a few rules too, as this post made me laugh.


Jennifer said...

Love the blog! Haven't gotten the stomach to pick up Debutante Divorcee. I think i'll wait for Stephanie Klein's Straight Up & Dirty...

Manhattan Mama said...

And that's another thing! What's up with the divorced trend?? Yes, it's super cool to be able to do it on your own! But now we have to get divorced to be trendy? Save me. How about it's trendy to be just true to ourselves -- even if we're married, single, engaged, partnered, widowed, OR divorced. What's trendy next?

Manhattan Mama said...

Oh and thank you Jennifer!