Skip to main content

Rules for Being a Manhattan Mama

1. When bike riders and peds bark, "Excuse me!" as you knock into them with your puke-stained stroller, don't even turn your head. It makes them think you can be intimidated -- or give a shit.

2. Take your rabbit everywhere -- but remove her within nanoseconds of a melt-down. (Even Manhattan Mama's hate bratty rabbits).

3. Do not pay the nanny to stand in line over-night for a top spot at a competitive nursery school. For God's sake wait until kindergarten.

4. Get your Rabbit acquainted with 2-3 cafe's in your neighborhood. Tell her this is Mama's playroom.

5. Rabbits in designer baby clothes grow up to be Plum Sykes. Avoid.

6. Mama's who ramble endlessly about homeschooling/organic blueberries/the wonders of their Brooklyn Brownstone may be (s)mothers in disguise. Run.

7. Adults who ask what your rabbit's name is, deserve getting a tongue stuck out at them. Do not apologize. This is Gotham. Give out our name????

8. Take-out noodles count as dinner. Take-out dumplings count as dinner. Take-out counts as dinner.

9. Fruit snacks dropped on the subway car floor, stay on the subway car floor.

10. Please. Get a pedicure, get a babysitter, grab your Prince and go out for a margarita. Straight up. No salt. Really. Manhattan Mamas need some airing out too.

Comments

Emily said…
No 5! Haha. I was sent her latest book. It was dire and you knew she was modelling one of the characters on herself. Terrible!
What is the big deal about Plum? The books are terrible, she's not overloaded with personality and yet she is feted as some kind of wunderkind? I don't get it myself, but maybe I'm just jealous of the glossy hair/ fancy wardrobe combo.
Manhattan Mama said…
I know, isn't she kind of actually extremely "unfashionable?" I don't get it either -- but I wouldn't turn down a two-book deal and a contributing editor spot in Vogue either.
Emily said…
I think it is WHO you know. Opens a world of doors, even if you are so sugar-sweet you write books that turn people's stomach's!

I've linked to this post on my blog and come up with a few rules too, as this post made me laugh.

Emily
Jennifer said…
Love the blog! Haven't gotten the stomach to pick up Debutante Divorcee. I think i'll wait for Stephanie Klein's Straight Up & Dirty...
Manhattan Mama said…
And that's another thing! What's up with the divorced trend?? Yes, it's super cool to be able to do it on your own! But now we have to get divorced to be trendy? Save me. How about it's trendy to be just true to ourselves -- even if we're married, single, engaged, partnered, widowed, OR divorced. What's trendy next?
Manhattan Mama said…
Oh and thank you Jennifer!

Popular posts from this blog

Apologies for being incommunicado this week and hope none of you out there are too distraught not to be receiving the usual almost-daily MotV missives. The reason for the silence is that I'm up to my neck, metaphorically-speaking, in research papers for my first grad course assessment. This experience has made me realise how rigorously un-academic I am in my thinking. It has also illuminated how reliant I am on red wine in order to get through endless evenings typing furiously on my laptop, not to mention the fueling of increasingly colorful curses that I feel obliged to aim at the University's online library system which consistently refuses to spit out any of the journals I'm desperate for (I refuse to believe this is 100% due to my technical incompetence...)Oh well, if this is the price one has to pay in order to realize a long-cherished dream then it's not all that bad... No one ever said a mid-life career change would be easy. Wish me luck!

Recommended & the Mahiki dance-off

My GFs and I went to Mahiki last night, great fun as usual but made me feel a bit old; it seems that Thursday night is the playground of the just-past-pubescent. Oh well. Good tunes though, so whatever.In between taking over the dancefloor - the youngsters may have youth on their side but frankly that shrinks to insignificance in the face of two decades of clubbing experience - one of my GFs and I got into a conversation about why so many people are full of bull.It appears that many people we come across are content to live their lives in a superficial way, skimming the surface of what life has to offer and equating the ownership of stuff (cars, houses, boats, jewelry, designer clothes) with happiness. They converse in terms of status, strut their possessions as a measure of their own self-worth, take themselves far too seriously, are quick to judge others, easily annoyed, complain a lot about very little and their worries seem to far outweigh their joys. Personally, I think all that…

Champix

Following on from the realisation that my lungs are filthy and if I don't give up the smokes soon I face a life of wheezing at best, off I trotted to see the charming Dr T.

Dr T, who's charming by virtue of the fact that he's less jaded than the other doctors in the surgery (in other words, he treats patients as if they're human beings with a right to NHS services rather than annoying fraudsters trying to gain sympathy for imaginary illnesses) promptly put me on potentially habit-forming drugs to get me off the evil weed. Something doesn't feel quite right about this but since I'm so pathetically grateful to have a doctor who's willing to give me more than two seconds of his precious time, I have acquiesced to his demands.

Anyway, this wonder drug is called Champix and promises to have me merrily chucking my smokes in the bin in no time. Or it will if I can get past the possible side effects, the highlights being abnormal dreams, nausea, flatulence, snoring, …