The Prince is rallying hard for Baby Due. And I can't deny that I have had some thoughts about another baby.
But, and here is where I am risking calls of "selfish...." I am having these overwhelming feelings of sadness about going through another baby stage again after feeling like I am trying to (still) get back on my feet.
As a writer, and one who works for myself, my time to create has only just widened up since the Rabbit started nursery school this year. (She turned 3 just a few weeks ago! Amazing.....)Not that I sit here like a dilettante all day....believe me, we don't pay our bills if I don't work. And that's fine with me. I love working, love having something of my own, love earning money.
But lately I have come to realize that my expectations are too high -- I still provide about 6-7 hours of Rabbit care a day until The Prince comes home, plus earn about 73 percent of what he earns (nothing like fitting into that "women earn 73 cents for every dollar a man earns" statistic perfectly....)--- all in about a 24-hour "money earning" work week. Frankly, I am really exhausted. It feels like my day never ends until she's tucked into bed. If I'm not caring for her, I'm working. Even if that's at 10 pm writing up a story.
We ALL know what happens there if Baby Due comes along. Still, I hear nothing from The Prince on how we make this work financially. 73 cents on the dollar is going to decrease, no question. I know going back to an office gig might bring in more money -- certainly more "work space/concentration time" --- but that's not the career I dreamed of when I think of what I want in my life. (Cue the Greek chorus: "Selfish!")
Let's throw in to the mix that my baby making days, while not over, are not exactly in the early days. Baby Due would be leaving college, and I'd be aiming at the phrase "Fabulous and in her 50s." (And we're not talking 51 here.)
I have suggested a move to the Left Coast (where my family is). Not exactly a dream, but a realistic option for free help (a sister with two kids, a mom who loves being a grandmother).
So here's the rub: Which will I regret more? And how do I make the decision without regret?
Anyone out there know how to crunch THESE numbers?