Tuesday, October 18, 2005

The Nanny Hunt

I'm going back to full-time work in a couple of weeks. I'm very excited - it's a great role with a great company and I know I'm going to enjoy it a lot.

The only problem is finding a nanny. Actually, the problem is that Alpha Male is trying to get involved with finding a nanny. And his requirements are very different from mine.

I'm sitting at the kitchen table going through a big pile of CVs when Alpha Male ambles over and asks what I'm doing. "Sorting through the nanny CVs", I tell him. "Excellent!" he says. Then he pulls out a chair and starts to comment on my short-list.

"We can't have her, she'll give the children nightmares," he says of the first one, squinting at the attached picture. I sigh. "But she's perfect," I point out."Look at her experience, it's brilliant. Plus she has first aid training, lists her interests as finger-painting and baking cakes, and she can drive." "No way," says Alpha Male, jaw jutting in a way that denotes an imminent attack of stubborness. "The children need someone younger, someone with a bit of vitality."

The next CV (four years experience, kind to children and animals), is dismissed as: "Too fat."

The next (studying for an MSc in child psychology): "Too old."

The next (three years experience, fantastic reference attached), "Looks like a dyke."

And so on.

Finally, we get to a twenty-year-old year old Norweigan. No experience, interests listed as dancing, going to the gym, and 'fashion'. Picture attached depicts a grinning babe with a body to make Elton John reconsider. Alpha Male, almost asleep by this point, instantly perks up. "That's more like it!" he says, studying the picture intently. "She looks lovely and friendly. I bet the kids would like her."

I make an addition to my job spec sheet - 'applicant must be tolerant of idiot husband'.

I'll be doing the interviews on my own.


Suburban Turmoil said...

Um, Jude Law anyone?

Get the ugliest nanny you can possibly find... I would.

Kidding. Not. Kidding. Not.

Yummy London Mummy said...

Don't worry, Helga the Bulgarian hockey player is at the top of my list.

Mommygoth said...

What you need is Mary Poppins, so she can whack him over the head with her umbrella!

utenzi said...

Given the Prince's interest in the MILF topic, you might need to worry more about him and the nanny than your Alpha. I must admit to thinking a lot about Norway now. LOL

Yummy London Mummy said...

Pleased to announce that I have found my nanny (or at least, I have a short list of three) and will post about the search, part 2, very soon.

Alpha Male, despite the talk, isn't the cheating type; he's far too lazy.