1. The Small(er) one had such a screaming fit in the library that we were escorted from the premises by a grim faced librarian
2. Following our shameful exit from the library, it was discovered that my light fingered Firstborn had boosted a book on, of all things, Tantric sex. I'll take it back tomorrow, I promise...
3. The Small(er) One put half a tonne of her favorite toys down the toilet then screamed in anguish until I fished them out
4. Firstborn decided that the only fashion statement that would work for her today would be neon pink and lime, then screamed in anguish when I informed her that she would NOT be wearing her fairy outfit to nursery
5. The Small(er) One took her nappy off, played with her poo, screamed in anguish at the mess on her hands and legs (she's surprisingly fastidious sometimes), then screamed in anguish when I cleaned the mess up
6. Firstborn took over two hours to eat dinner, informing me it was "disgustin'" (i.e. not fish fingers), then screamed in anguish when I finally snapped and took the offending meal away
7. The Smaller One agreed with Firstborn that dinner was "disgustin'", threw her plate from her highchair (funny how far a plastic kiddy plate can travel), then cackled with glee
8. Firstborn cackled with glee as well
9. Due to excessive bad behaviour, a TV ban has been issued in this house. The news went down like a lead balloon - yep, you guessed it, resulting in screams of anguish
10. They're both still screaming
Someone lead me to a dark room. Please.