- "It wasn't me, honestly."
- "If you don't finish your homework now then I swear to you I'm going to have a major mummy meltdown!"
- "You can't tell me off! I'm your beautiful darling child!"
- "Why is the house such a mess? What do you do all day anyway?"
- "I'm h-u-n-g-r-y..."
- "GO TO BED AND STAY THERE!"
- "How many times do I have to tell you? Use your knife and fork! You're not a savage!"
- "Eugh... I don't like [insert dinner items here]. Why can't we eat nice food like other children?"
- "I'm leaving home so I can find a new mummy who's nice to me. You're the meanest mummy ever."
- "Where's the s*dding corkscrew?"
Having had no babies in our house for half a decade Alpha and I are in dire need of a refresher course before the arrival of Peanut this summer. So we've been hanging out with as many small babies as possible in an effort to ease ourselves back in gently prior to the Big Event. This is what we've figured out: Babies are really cute. Especially when they smile. And they smell really good. Plus they feel nice to cuddle. And persuading a baby to fall asleep with minimal screeching feels a bit like winning the lottery. But all this is only really great in the context of other people's babies. Because then you can hand them back when they shout or if they've done one of those really nasty up-the-back-of-the-babygro yellow poos. Or if you want to do something nice and solitary, like go for a wee. This is because babies are tiny dictators. Their weapons of choice are noise pollution, sleep deprivation and projectile poo - and they have no moral qualms about launching the...
Comments
"I'm finished!"
"Time to [insert - eat, wake up, brush teeth, stop fighting, tidy up, sleep]"
"I'm telling you off!" (This should actually read "telling on you", but this generation just doesn't get it...).