mothers on the verge

It seems that all those donuts I consumed while in California have come home to roost, not to mention those damn jelly babies. Gah. A routine visit to my baby doc yesterday resulted in a severe reprimand from the lovely Doctor R for truly excessive weight gain (4k in a month , eek - a mistake, surely?), advice on how to de-puff my poor much-maligned limbs and a glucose test. Turns out my glucose levels are ready for take off so I now have to avoid sugar (sob, the only vice I have left) and complex carbs (ditto yummy crunchy bread and lovely pasta). So, when you add this in to all the pregnancy no-no's, it ends up that I can't eat effing anything except piles of veggies, a bit of fruit (excluding anything with a high GL ) and mounds of well-cooked protein. However, should probably stop viewing this latest turn up for the books as yet another of life's little attempts to piss on my bonfire and do some research as not entirely sure what it all means except that...

Lie #1: "You're really blooming."  Translation: "You're actually ballooning. Like a huge blimp. Euww." Lie #2: "No, no, you cry if you need too. Pregnancy hormones, hey? Quite normal, I'm sure."  Translation: "You're a total nutter. Unhinged and insane. How soon can I make my excuses and leave, never to return?" Lie #3: "Of course you look sexy. I love your pregnant shape, darling." Translation: "Actually, your new gigantic boobs are kind of fun but your inflatable bum is a bit of a turn-off. But if I told you the truth you'd probably kill me and use your crazy pregnancy hormones as a defence." Lie #4: "Oh, you're just three months pregnant? Gosh, you must have a big baby in there!" Translation: "Who's been eating all the pies then? You're only eating for two, you're not Octomom. Take it down a notch, piggie-chops." Lie #5 (to first time mothers): "Lab...

Just when any of you pregnant ladies out there thought it was OK to put your swollen ankles up and have a nice glass of red wine now and then, party-pooping Harry Burns, the chief medical officer for Scotland, has challenged the British government's advice that one or two small glasses per week is safe. We all know knocking back large quantities of booze when pregnant is bloody stupid. The latest headlines, however, appear to be designed to load up mothers with even more guilt than they already carry on their burdened shoulders. The story behind the headlines is this: Harry Burns believes alcohol spectrum disorder (FASD) is to blame for Scotland's escalating violent crime rate. Babies affected by FASD are only born to women who drink whilst pregnant, with one of the symptoms being a tendency towards violence in adulthood. Despite prior research pointing to the cause of FASD being heavy drinking (the official classification of binge drinking in the UK is when more than 7.5 unit...