mothers on the verge

Having had no babies in our house for half a decade Alpha and I are in dire need of a refresher course before the arrival of Peanut this summer. So we've been hanging out with as many small babies as possible in an effort to ease ourselves back in gently prior to the Big Event. This is what we've figured out: Babies are really cute. Especially when they smile. And they smell really good. Plus they feel nice to cuddle. And persuading a baby to fall asleep with minimal screeching feels a bit like winning the lottery. But all this is only really great in the context of other people's babies. Because then you can hand them back when they shout or if they've done one of those really nasty up-the-back-of-the-babygro yellow poos. Or if you want to do something nice and solitary, like go for a wee. This is because babies are tiny dictators. Their weapons of choice are noise pollution, sleep deprivation and projectile poo - and they have no moral qualms about launching the...

Still can't find that damned cat . Kids are not speaking to me and have announced an all-out homework strike until pathetic fluffy skinny thing is located. Have tried to lie through my teeth that kitten is having a happy time doing cute kitten things with its mummy and siblings. No dice.  Explained that someone else has probably found it (someone who doesn't already have three psychotic felines and a hotline to the local vet) and is lavishing it with care and devotion, not to mention providing kitten treats and catnip on tap. Firstborn just rolled her eyes at me while the Small(er) One did a surprisingly good impression of a sneer. Have tried bribery. The Small(er) One nearly broke under the temptation of unlimited  Walnut Whips  and Bounty Bars but Firstborn intervened. That child is destined to be the next Arthur Scargill , no doubt about it. Peace is currently AWOL at our house with no immediate hope of return. How ...

Just when any of you pregnant ladies out there thought it was OK to put your swollen ankles up and have a nice glass of red wine now and then, party-pooping Harry Burns, the chief medical officer for Scotland, has challenged the British government's advice that one or two small glasses per week is safe. We all know knocking back large quantities of booze when pregnant is bloody stupid. The latest headlines, however, appear to be designed to load up mothers with even more guilt than they already carry on their burdened shoulders. The story behind the headlines is this: Harry Burns believes alcohol spectrum disorder (FASD) is to blame for Scotland's escalating violent crime rate. Babies affected by FASD are only born to women who drink whilst pregnant, with one of the symptoms being a tendency towards violence in adulthood. Despite prior research pointing to the cause of FASD being heavy drinking (the official classification of binge drinking in the UK is when more than 7.5 unit...