Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Best of British: how Brit mummies survive in Dubai

British expats are invariably cheerful due to having left the gloomy weather, Gordon Brown's foolishness and increasingly high taxes behind. British mummies are generally especially cheerful due to them usually being in Dubai on their husband's visa, which makes it a bit tricky for them to find employment. Not having to work and being able to enjoy a tax-free salary is a heady combination for many British wives, most of them having been forced to toil whilst juggling overpriced and inept childcare for years in the UK - thanks of course to the Labour party's outwardly family friendly policies which are, in truth, a pile of cobblers designed for nothing more substantial than a media-friendly soundbite or a flurry of tabloid headlines.

British Mummy is the one running towards the school gates looking slightly flustered with her Boden skirt tucked into her knickers. Her Birkenstocks are designed for comfort rather than style, but hell, she loves them anyway, plus they show off her lovely tanned feet - she can't quite get used to the novelty of all this fabulous sun after a childhood dominated by grey skies and drizzle 95% of the year.

BM's lifelong addiction to milky tea, choccy biccies and Cadbury's Fruit & Nut may make her publicly bemoan her muffin top and spreading thighs but she secretly adores her heaving cleavage. BM takes great pleasure in her vast collection of Marks & Spencers lacy 'boulder holders' and can often be spotted wearing tops designed to show off her assets to their best advantage.

Brit Mum has heaps of friends due to her ability to drink like a fish, ready access to an arsenal of dirty jokes, complete lack of guile and the fact that she can never stick to a diet (the resulting lack of deprivation makes her much more fun than other more weight-obsessed nations). She is one of the girls, but equally at home with the boys. She can be counted on to roll her sleeves up and get her hands dirty: her natural habitat is manning the PTA cake stall or sorting through jumble for the Christmas fair. She is the one person you want to be standing next to you when the sh*t hits the fan: not only will she come up with a practical solution (that Blitz spirit lives on) but can also be relied on to find humour in the direst of situations.

BM is naturally sexy, despite (or perhaps because of) her childbearing hips, flushed cheeks, visible roots (she's usually got something more pressing to do than spend hours at the hairdresser), chipped toenails, slightly wonky teeth and visible bra straps. After all, the ability to laugh and be comfortable in your own skin, however unmanicured and crinkled it may be, has a powerful aphrodisiacal effect on the more enlightened male of the species. Rule Britannia!

2 comments:

Clara said...

I'm a british mummy and I was a wee bit offended when I started to read this (I never wear birkenstocks and there's no place for boden in my wardrobe thanks very much) but otherwise you've got me down to a T. Especially the Cadbury's addiction and the M&S bras! Thanks for the compliments YLM. I'm going to show your blog to my hubby and tell him he should be grateful to be married to a sexpot like me!

Stratfords.Dubai said...

Oh my word! This all plays so true for me! Do I know you????